Fry, Party of Five

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  • Raising Kids in the Group Chat Era

    Raising Kids in the Group Chat Era

    There was a time when friendship lived in plain sight. It happened on front porches and school playgrounds. It echoed through sleepovers and rode home in the backseat after practice. You could hear it, see it, interrupt it if you needed to.

    Now, much of it lives behind a screen. It buzzes quietly in their pockets, lights up their faces at odd hours, and unfolds in group chats with names you don’t quite understand, and inside jokes you’re not invited into.

    And just like that, friendship at twelve—or thirteen—has a whole new layer.

    The New Playground

    The group chat is the modern playground. It’s where plans are made, jokes are shared, and alliances form and shift in real time. It’s where kids test their voices—figuring out when to be funny, when to be bold, when to stay quiet.

    It’s fast, constant, a little chaotic. Sometimes it’s harmless—memes, emojis, random bursts of nonsense that mean everything to them and nothing to you, a string of “LOL”s and GIFs that feel like their own language.

    Other times, it’s more complicated. Tone is hard to read through a screen. Sarcasm doesn’t always land. Exclusion can happen with quiet precision—no raised voices, no obvious signs, just a message left unanswered or a conversation that keeps going without you.

    It’s a playground without a recess bell, and we’re not standing nearby to watch.

    The Jokes We Don’t Get

    There’s a moment that happens now, more often than it used to. They laugh at something on their phone—really laugh—and you ask, “What’s so funny?” They try to explain it, but halfway through, they stop and say, “Never mind, you wouldn’t get it.” And they’re probably right. Not because we aren’t capable, but because we weren’t there when the joke started.

    We didn’t see the first message, the earlier conversation, the layered meaning behind the words. Their humor has context we don’t share. And if I’m honest, that can feel like a small loss, another reminder that they are building a world that doesn’t fully include us. But it’s also growth.

    They are learning to belong to something beyond our family, to create and participate in shared language, shared humor, shared experience—even if we’re not always in on the joke.

    The Invisible Moments

    What makes this era different isn’t just the technology. It’s the invisibility. When friendships happened face-to-face, you could read the room, sense when something felt off, and step in if needed. Now, so much happens that we can’t see it.

    We don’t hear every comment. We don’t witness every misunderstanding. We don’t always know when feelings are hurt or when someone feels left out. We are parenting in the dark, in some ways, and that can feel unsettling. We want to protect them, guide them, help them navigate relationships—but we are no longer standing on the edge of the playground.

    We are one room over, hoping they’ll come find us if something goes wrong.

    Teaching What We Can’t See

    So how do you teach kindness in a space you don’t fully have access to? You start before the message is ever sent. You talk about tone, about how words can land differently without a face or voice attached.

    You remind them that behind every username is a real person with real feelings. You teach them to pause, to reread, to ask themselves: Would I say this out loud? Would I say this if they were standing in front of me?

    You talk about inclusion—not just in obvious ways, but in quiet ones. Inviting someone into the conversation. Noticing when someone hasn’t been responded to. Choosing not to participate in something that feels unkind, even if everyone else is.

    And maybe most importantly, you teach them to come to you—not because you’ll solve it, but because you’ll listen.

    Letting Them Practice Friendship

    This is the part that feels both necessary and uncomfortable. They have to practice. They have to navigate misunderstandings, learn how to apologize, how to forgive, how to speak up, and how to let things go.

    We can guide them, offer language, share what we’ve learned—but we can’t live their friendships for them. And the group chat—messy and imperfect as it is—is one of the places where they’re learning.

    Learning what kind of friend they want to be, how to hold their place in a group, when to join in and when to step back. It won’t always be smooth, but growth rarely is.

    What Still Matters

    For all the ways friendship has changed, the core of it hasn’t. They still want to feel included. They still want to be understood. They still want to belong.

    The platform may look different, but the longing is the same. And so, the things we teach still matter. Kindness still matters. Empathy still matters. Choosing words carefully still matters.

    Being the kind of person who makes space for others still matters—even in a thread of messages that disappears by morning.

    The Open Door

    There’s a quiet shift in parenting during these years. We move from being right there to being nearby. We’re not in every conversation anymore, but we can be available for the ones that spill out afterward—a comment that didn’t sit right, a joke that went too far, a friendship that suddenly feels uncertain.

    We keep the door open. We listen more than we lecture. We ask questions instead of assuming. And we remind them, gently and often, that whatever happens in those group chats, they don’t have to carry it alone.

    Still Becoming

    Raising kids in the group chat era means trusting what you’ve already planted. It means believing that the lessons you’ve repeated—the small reminders, the everyday conversations, the way you’ve modeled kindness—are still there, even when you’re not.

    They are still becoming, still learning, still figuring out how to be good friends in a complicated world. And maybe that’s always been the work. The tools change. The setting shifts. But the heart of it remains—helping them grow into people who choose kindness, even when no one is watching, even when the message is already typed, even when it would be easier not to.

    And trusting that, somewhere in the middle of the noise and the notifications, they will.

  • When They Were Little and March Meant Puddles

    When They Were Little and March Meant Puddles

    March used to mean puddles.

    Not metaphorical ones. Real, muddy, sun-warmed puddles that gathered at the edge of the driveway and along the sidewalk where winter finally loosened its grip. Back then, March arrived in the form of rain boots lined up by the door, jackets half-zipped, and three small voices asking, “Can we go outside?” before breakfast dishes were even cleared.

    Puddles were the plan.

    No schedule. No rush. Just the quiet promise of water waiting to be splashed.

    Then: Puddle Boots and Sticky Hands

    There was a time when getting ready to go outside took longer than the actual outing. Three pairs of boots. Three mismatched gloves. One child insisting they didn’t need a coat, another insisting on wearing a Minnie Mouse costume with the coat, and someone always crying because their socks “feel weird.”

    And still—we went.

    Because March, in those years, wasn’t about productivity or plans. It was about thawing. About stepping outside after a long winter and letting the air wake you up again.

    They would run ahead, always. Drawn to water like it was something magical, something new. The puddles weren’t obstacles—they were invitations. They stomped with full force, laughing when muddy water splashed up their legs. They crouched low, poking at the edges with sticks, watching ripples spread like they had discovered something no one else had ever seen.

    And their hands—always sticky. From snacks eaten mid-adventure. From damp gloves. From whatever mysterious combination of dirt and childhood they carried with them.

    I remember thinking it was messy.

    I remember wishing, sometimes, for cleaner floors. For less laundry. For fewer wet socks left in places they absolutely did not belong.

    I did not yet understand that this was the good part.

    Now: Group Texts and Sports Bags

    March still comes, of course. It always does.

    But now it arrives differently.

    Now it looks like sports bags by the door instead of boots. It sounds like notifications buzzing from phones instead of laughter echoing off the sidewalk. It feels like checking schedules, coordinating rides, and asking, “What time does practice end?” instead of “Do you need help putting your boots on?”

    They still go outside.

    But now it’s to leave.

    To practices. To games. To meet friends. To move further out into a world that is slowly, steadily becoming their own.

    The puddles are still there—I notice them sometimes when I walk to the mailbox or glance out the window. But no one is asking to splash in them anymore. No one is crouching to watch the water ripple. No one is coming back inside soaked and grinning, holding out muddy hands like proof of something wonderful.

    Now they come home tired. Hungry. Sometimes quiet.

    They drop their bags in the same place their boots used to land. They move through the house differently—longer strides, heavier footsteps, more purpose. Less lingering.

    And yet.

    Sometimes, when the light hits just right in the late afternoon, I catch a glimpse of who they were. A laugh that sounds younger than it should. A quick shove between siblings that turns into something playful. A moment on the couch where they lean in without thinking.

    It’s still there.

    Just… quieter.

    The In-Between of It All

    March has always been a month of in-between. Winter not quite finished. Spring not fully arrived. And maybe that’s why it feels like such an honest mirror of this stage of parenting.

    They are not little anymore. But they are not grown.

    They are somewhere in the middle—muddy and changing and unsure of where to step next.

    And so are we.

    There is a temptation, in this season, to look backward too often. To measure everything against what it used to be. To ache for puddle boots and sticky hands and the kind of days that unfolded slowly, without a clock.

    But there is also something unfolding here, too. Something just as meaningful. They are learning who they are.

    They are finding their footing in deeper waters now—friendships, responsibilities, independence. The puddles have grown, even if we can’t always see them.

    And our role has shifted. We are no longer the ones zipping coats and pulling on boots. We are the ones waiting at the door.

    What Remains

    The house is different now. Quieter in some ways. Louder in others.

    There are fewer muddy footprints on the floor—but more shoes lined up by the wall, each pair carrying them further into their own lives. There are fewer sticky hands reaching for mine—but more moments where they choose, quietly, to sit beside me anyway.

    And I am learning to see this season not as a loss, but as a continuation. Because those puddle days didn’t disappear.

    They built something.

    They built kids who are curious. Who are brave enough to step into things, even when they don’t know how deep the water goes. Who once ran toward the mess without hesitation—and maybe, just maybe, still do in ways I can’t always see.

    If I Could Go Back (But Not Stay)

    If I could go back to one of those March afternoons, I would. I would let them splash longer. I would worry less about the laundry.

    I would take more pictures, yes—but more than that, I would stand still and really see it. The way their boots barely stayed on. The way their laughter carried. The way they looked at the world like it was something to be explored, not managed.

    But I wouldn’t stay there.

    Because this version of them—the ones with sports bags and group texts and growing independence—is just as real. Just as important. Just as worthy of being noticed.

    March, Still

    March still means puddles. They’re just not always on the driveway anymore.

    Sometimes they look like long conversations after practice. Sometimes they sound like laughter from behind a closed bedroom door. Sometimes they feel like letting go, just a little more, and trusting that what you’ve built will hold.

    The boots may be gone. The hands may be cleaner. But the becoming?

    That’s still as messy—and as beautiful—as it’s ever been.

  • A Detailed Review of the Floor in Every Room My Teenagers Have Dramatically Entered

    A Detailed Review of the Floor in Every Room My Teenagers Have Dramatically Entered

    There are many things no one tells you about raising teenagers. They will eat the last granola bar and leave the box. They will sigh like Victorian poets denied true love. And they will dramatically enter rooms as if auditioning for a very intense coming-of-age film. Today, however, we are not discussing the sighs. We are reviewing the floors. Because if you live in a house with three thirteen-year-olds, you quickly realize something important: the floors have seen things.

    The Kitchen — Luxury Vinyl Plank (Performance Rating: 9/10)

    Ah, yes, the kitchen. Our luxury vinyl plank has endured passionate speeches about unfair rules, the injustice of chores, and the deeply personal betrayal of “You said maybe.” It has absorbed socked stomps and executed the slide-turn-exit maneuver with grace. It has supported full-body leans against the island while someone declares, “Whatever,” with Shakespearean intensity. Structurally, it’s impeccable. Emotionally, weathered but strong. The kitchen floor has also heard apologies—quiet ones—muttered while reaching for cereal later that evening. It knows most storms pass before bedtime. Luxury vinyl plank: durable, forgiving, unshaken. Would recommend.

    The Laundry Room — A Different Luxury Vinyl Plank (Performance Rating: 8/10)

    Slightly different tone. Same resilience. This floor has supported dramatic sock removal mid-lecture and endured the “I don’t have anything to wear” monologue delivered while standing directly in front of a pile of clean, folded clothes. It has hosted the slow, reflective pacing of a teenager who is upset but trying to figure out why. This plank is less public and more intimate. It absorbs the in-between feelings—the ones that don’t make it to the kitchen stage. A solid contender, though often underappreciated.

    The Hallway — Hardwood (Performance Rating: 10/10)

    The hallway hardwood deserves an award. It is the runway of emotion. Every door slam begins here. Every stomp gathers speed here. The hallway is where indignation builds momentum. It has felt heel strikes fueled by injustice like “You never listen,” “That’s not what happened,” “She started it,” and the classic, “You don’t get it.” The acoustics are remarkable. A sharp stomp echoes just enough to communicate dissatisfaction without requiring actual confrontation. But here is what the hallway also knows: it is the bridge. No one stays in the hallway. They pass through it. Anger travels across it, and often, minutes later, so does reconciliation. Ten out of ten. Exceptional structural and emotional endurance.

    The Living Room — Area Rug Over Hardwood (Performance Rating: 7/10, Emotionally Complex)

    Now we enter complicated territory. The living room rug has absorbed tears—real ones. Not theatrical sighing, but the quiet ache of friendship confusion, middle school politics, feeling left out, or misunderstood. This rug has caught bodies that flop dramatically and then quietly curl. It has hosted side-by-side silence on the couch. It has felt the weight of a head in my lap, even if that head now carries bigger questions and heavier thoughts. Performance-wise, there’s slight pilling and the never-ending need for vacuuming. Emotionally, though, it is priceless.

    The Bathroom Tile — Cold Ceramic (Performance Rating: 6/10, Harsh but Honest)

    The bathroom tile is not warm. It does not cushion. It does not absorb. It is the setting for staredown reflections in the mirror, hair frustration, outfit reconsideration, and the dawning awareness of how one appears in the world. This floor has heard, “I look weird,” and witnessed the first quiet critiques of self. It is not cozy, but it is honest. Six out of ten for comfort. Ten out of ten for character development.

    The Bedroom Carpet — Private Territory (Performance Rating: Classified)

    We do not fully review the bedroom floors. Those are sovereign lands now. Behind closed doors, those carpets have absorbed music played too loudly, laughter with friends, and the heavy quiet of a teenager thinking through the world. The doors close more often these days. Still, the carpet feels their feet when they get up in the morning. It holds them steady, even as they stand taller than the doorframe marks we penciled in years ago.

    Overall Household Flooring Assessment

    If you had told me years ago that my life’s soundtrack would be fueled by passionate footsteps about house rules and bike rides, I might have pictured something more graceful. Instead, here we are: three teenagers, one house, and floors that have endured Olympic-level eye rolling, door slams, midnight cereal apologies, post-practice collapses, and laughter loud enough to rattle the frames.

    Here’s what I’ve learned: the floors don’t take it personally. They don’t flinch. They simply hold—anger, growth, becoming. Raising teenagers feels like living in constant motion—voices changing, opinions sharpening, independence stretching wide—but the foundation stays steady. Beneath every dramatic entrance is still the same kid who once ran barefoot down the hallway for cereal, still a heart learning how to carry big feelings.

    This isn’t destruction; it’s construction. They’re building themselves, and building can be loud. Five stars for durability. Five stars for perspective. And if you hear a hallway stomp, just know—the flooring can handle it. And so can we.

  • Tiny February Moment | Late-Night Kitchen Check-Ins

    Tiny February Moment | Late-Night Kitchen Check-Ins

    February doesn’t ask permission. It just shows up—cold, dark, blunt—dragging the leftovers of winter behind it like a tired grocery sack.

    By February, the house has a different rhythm. Mornings are rushed and sharp-edged. Evenings blur into homework, sports bags, dinner dishes, and the low hum of everyone needing something. The days are loud. Full. Demanding.

    But the real magic—the sneaky, tender kind—doesn’t happen at dinner.

    It happens later. When the lights are mostly off. When the house exhales. When the kitchen becomes neutral ground.

    I’ve come to think of it as the late-night kitchen check-in.

    It usually starts with a sound. Footsteps. A cabinet opening. The fridge light clicking on like a beacon. Someone appears in pajama pants and a hoodie that doesn’t belong to them. Hair messy. Guard down. Hunger—not always for food—written all over their face.

    “I’m bored,” they say, reaching for a snack they’ve eaten a thousand times before.

    I lean against the counter, half-tired, half-present. We don’t sit. We don’t make it official. No one announces feelings. We just…exist in the same space.

    February conversations don’t come with eye contact. They come sideways. While someone butters toast. While cereal pours into a bowl that is far too big for the hour. They come with pauses and shrugs and silences that feel less awkward at midnight.

    This is when the truth sneaks out.

    Not the big, dramatic confessions. The smaller ones—the truer ones.

    “I don’t think I did great on that test.”
    “My friend is being weird.”
    “I don’t know why I feel mad all the time.”
    “Can you wake me up early tomorrow? I’m nervous.”

    They aren’t looking for solutions. Or speeches. Or a five-step plan to fix everything. They want acknowledgment. A nod. A quiet, Yeah, that makes sense. They want to know someone is still awake with them in the dark.

    February makes kids braver like that. Something about the long nights loosens the grip of the day. Expectations fall away. The masks slip. The kitchen becomes a confessional with snacks.

    I’ve learned not to rush it.

    Tomorrow is loud. Tomorrow has sunlight and school bells and obligations. February nights are softer. They let words come out crooked without demanding they be tied up neatly.

    Sometimes the check-in lasts five minutes. Sometimes it stretches long enough for the fridge motor to kick on twice. Sometimes it’s heavy. Sometimes it’s just commentary on how we’re out of the good snacks again.

    But it always matters.

    Because this is where connection hides in this season. Not in big family moments or perfectly planned conversations. In the small, sleepy spaces where no one is trying to impress anyone.

    It’s where I see who they’re becoming—taller, quieter, carrying thoughts they don’t quite know how to name yet. February doesn’t rush that process. It just makes room for it.

    Parenting in this stage isn’t about sitting everyone down and asking the right questions. It’s about staying up. Leaving the light on. Pretending you’re there for water when you’re really there for them.

    By morning, these moments will be gone. Everyone will scatter back into their roles. But the echo stays—a shared midnight, a whispered truth, a bowl rinsed and left in the sink.

    February is hard. It’s cold. It’s long.

    But tucked inside it are these late-night kitchen check-ins—quiet proof that everyone knows where to find each other when the house is still.

    And honestly? That feels like enough to carry us through winter.

  • 10 Days Before Thirteen

    10 Days Before Thirteen

    Ten days from now, our house will quietly (and not so quietly) cross a threshold. Ten days from now, Jase, Henley, and Sadie will turn thirteen.

    Thirteen feels different. Not louder, exactly. Just heavier. Like a door swinging shut behind us while another creaks open ahead. We’re not slamming the door on childhood—we’re just setting it gently against the frame and leaving the light on.

    It’s strange how fast thirteen arrives. I can still see the NICU lights, the too-small diapers, the way we learned to parent in threes before we ever learned how to parent at all. We counted bottles. We counted naps. We counted minutes. Somewhere along the way, we stopped counting and just started living.

    And now here we are. Ten days out from teenagers.

    Jase

    He has always been the quiet center of this trio. Thoughtful. Observant. Protective in a way that doesn’t announce itself. He doesn’t need the spotlight; he prefers the edges, where he can see everything. He’s the kid who notices when someone’s missing, who carries facts in his head like treasures, who loves sports not for the noise but for the rhythm of it. Jase doesn’t rush into anything—he studies it first. And somehow, without fanfare, he has taught us that quiet can be powerful and presence doesn’t have to be loud to matter.

    Henley

    This girl arrived in this world like a spark. Persistent, curious, determined, and a fighter from day one. If there’s a wall, she’s already halfway over it. If there’s music playing, she’s learning how to play it. She feels things big and bright and right now. Animals find her. Adventure follows her. Henley reminds us daily that joy is not something you wait for—it’s something you chase down the driveway barefoot. She lives out loud, and she always has.

    Sadie

    She has been a reader of the room since birth. Perceptive, expressive, dramatic in the most endearing way. She wants things to be right, fair, and meaningful. She loves stories—books, people, moments—and she carries them with her. Sadie feels deeply and thinks carefully, and she has a way of standing tall even when she’s unsure. She is brave in a quiet, determined way that often shows up after she’s thought it all through.

    Watching the three of them grow together has been its own kind of miracle. They’ve shared birthdays, bedrooms, milestones, and memories—but they’ve never been copies of one another. They’ve argued fiercely and defended each other just as fiercely. They know exactly how to push each other’s buttons, and exactly how to show up when it counts.

    Thirteen doesn’t mean we’ve figured it all out. If anything, it means we’re entering a season where answers are fewer and listening matters more. We’re learning when to step in and when to step back. When to hold on and when to loosen our grip. Parenting teenagers feels less like steering and more like walking alongside—sometimes ahead, sometimes behind, often pretending we’re not watching as closely as we are.

    Ten days from now, there will be cake. There will be laughter. There will probably be music that’s too loud and jokes that don’t make sense to us anymore. There will be eye rolls and hugs and that strange mix of independence and closeness that defines this age.

    But today—ten days before thirteen—I just want to pause.

    I want to remember snow days and scraped knees and bedtime stories read in chorus. I want to remember the sound of little feet running down the hallway and the way their voices used to overlap when they were excited. I want to remember who they’ve been, even as I look ahead to who they’re becoming.

    Jase, Henley, and Sadie: you don’t need to rush into anything. There is no prize for growing up faster. You are allowed to be thirteen—awkward, funny, serious, unsure, confident, all at once. You are allowed to change your minds. You are allowed to take up space in your own ways.

    Ten days from now, we’ll celebrate the teenagers you’re becoming. Today, we’re honoring the kids you’ve been—and the incredible humans you already are.

    Thirteen is coming. And we’re ready…enough.

  • What My Tweens Think Love Is (Right Now)

    What My Tweens Think Love Is (Right Now)

    Love, according to my tweens, is confusing, dramatic, deeply inconvenient, and—most importantly—not something they want to talk about with their mother for more than 14 seconds at a time.

    Which is ironic, because once upon a time, they were toddlers who announced they were going to marry me, the dog, or whoever gave them a snack at the right moment.

    Now? Now love is… complicated.

    I live with three almost (not quite) 13-year-olds, which means I am essentially running a small emotional research lab where the test subjects are moody, highly opinionated, and allergic to sincerity. I have learned a lot about love this year. Not from books. From overheard conversations, eye rolls, and the way silence can say, “Please stop talking, immediately.”

    Here’s what my tweens think love is—right now.

    Love Is Extremely Embarrassing

    First and foremost, love is cringe.

    Holding hands? Cringe. Hugging in public? Illegal. Parents kissing? Grounds for permanent emotional damage.

    Love, in their view, should be private, subtle, and ideally invisible. If you acknowledge it too loudly, it loses its power and becomes embarrassing content that may be referenced later as proof you’ve “always been weird.”

    They will tolerate affection only under strict conditions:

    • No witnesses
    • No lingering
    • No commentary

    Love is fine. Just don’t perform it.

    Love Is Loyalty (But Not the Mushy Kind)

    Despite their disdain for romantic gestures, tweens are fiercely loyal.

    Love means sitting next to your friend even when you’re mad at them. It means defending someone in a group chat, then complaining about them privately later. It means knowing who someone likes—and not telling. Ever.

    Love is trust. Love is allegiance. Love is the unspoken rule that says, “I’ve got you, even if you’re annoying.”

    They don’t say “I love you” much. They show it by choosing the same seat at lunch every day.

    Love Is Snacks and Small Gestures

    Forget grand declarations. Tween love lives in the details.

    Love is saving the last brownie. Love is sharing your Flamin’ Hot Cheetos (even though you said you wouldn’t). Love is handing someone a hoodie without being asked.

    This generation understands acts of service instinctively. They may not articulate feelings well, but they will silently slide you a snack and pretend it meant nothing.

    That’s love. That’s the language.

    Love Is Confusing and Comes With Rules No One Explained

    Love, apparently, has a lot of rules. Rules they all know. Rules I do not.

    You can like someone—but not too much. You can talk—but not text first. You can care—but only if you act like you don’t.

    They are navigating a world of crushes, “talking,” not dating, definitely not dating, and whatever phase exists right before denial.

    Love is exciting and terrifying and comes with the constant fear of being perceived.

    Honestly? Same.

    Love Is Friendship First (Even If They Won’t Admit It)

    The strongest loves in their lives are friendships. The kids who feel safe. The ones who make them laugh. The ones who know when to change the subject.

    Romantic love might be intriguing, but friendship is essential. They don’t say it like that—but they live it.

    They measure love by who gets their time, their jokes, and their inside references. Who they want near them when life feels overwhelming.

    That’s not shallow. That’s wisdom.

    Love Is Also Something They Pretend They Don’t Care About

    Here’s the thing about tweens: they care deeply. But caring openly is risky. So they act indifferent. They roll their eyes. They say things like, “It’s not a big deal,” when it very clearly is.

    Love is vulnerability. Vulnerability is dangerous. Therefore, love is something you casually pretend doesn’t matter—even while building your whole emotional world around it.

    They are learning how to protect their hearts. Sometimes clumsily. Sometimes loudly. Sometimes by pretending they don’t have one.

    What I Hope They’re Learning (Even Now)

    Right now, love looks awkward. Defensive. Half-formed. But underneath the snark and the shrugs, I see something good taking shape.

    They know love isn’t constant fireworks. They know it shows up quietly. They know it requires trust.

    They are learning that love can be steady without being loud. That it doesn’t have to be perfect to be real. That sometimes love looks like sitting on opposite ends of the couch, sharing space without words.

    And maybe that’s exactly how it should start. Because love doesn’t arrive fully formed at twelve. It grows. It matures. It softens. Right now, it looks like loyalty, snacks, silence, and side-eye.

    And honestly? That’s a pretty solid foundation.

  • Teaching Love to Tweens Who Pretend They Don’t Need It

    Teaching Love to Tweens Who Pretend They Don’t Need It

    Here’s the thing no one really prepares you for when your kids hit the tween years: love stops being loud.

    It used to be sticky and constant. It lived in lap-sitting, hand-holding, and dramatic declarations of “I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH,” arms stretched wide like they were trying to hug the entire universe. Love was obvious. It was needy. It asked for snacks, stories, and one more tuck-in.

    Then, somewhere around age nine or ten, love got quieter.

    Now I’m parenting three almost teens, and I’m learning—sometimes clumsily—that love no longer announces itself with glitter and fanfare. It shows up sideways in fragments. In moments you could easily miss if you’re waiting for grand gestures.

    And maybe that’s the lesson I didn’t know I’d be teaching them all along.

    The Myth of the Big Moment

    We live in a culture that loves spectacle. Big birthdays. Big apologies. Big “I love yous.” We’ve taught kids—without really meaning to—that love is something you perform. Something you prove with extravagance.

    But tweens? They don’t live there anymore.

    They live in the in-between. In eye rolls that still mean “stay close.” In silence that doesn’t mean distance. In independence that quietly checks to see if you’re still watching.

    So when I think about teaching my tweens love, I’m realizing it has less to do with grand gestures and more to do with consistency. Presence. Showing up again and again, even when they act like they couldn’t care less.

    Especially then.

    Love Looks Like Showing Up Anyway

    Love, at this stage, often looks unremarkable.

    It’s sitting through long explanations about video games you don’t understand. It’s driving them to practice and not asking questions the entire way. It’s remembering who likes the blue cup and who hates when food touches. It’s standing in the kitchen while they talk at you instead of to you.

    It’s knowing when to push and when to back off.

    And let me tell you—this kind of love doesn’t photograph well. There’s no Instagram caption for “I stayed regulated while my tween slammed their bedroom door.”

    But this is where the real work happens.

    Teaching Love Without Keeping Score

    One of the hardest shifts for me has been letting go of reciprocity. When they were little, love came back quickly and generously. A hug for a hug. An “I love you” echoed right back. Now? Not so much.

    Now love is often one-sided. Or at least it feels that way.

    I still say “I love you” even when it’s met with a shrug. I still reach for connection even when they don’t. I still offer affection without expecting it to be returned on my timeline.

    Because I want them to learn that love isn’t transactional.

    Love doesn’t say, I’ll show up if you do. Love says, I’m here. Period.

    The Quiet Curriculum

    Here’s what I hope they’re absorbing, even if they’d roll their eyes if I said it out loud:

    That love can be steady and boring and safe. That you don’t have to earn it with perfection. That conflict doesn’t cancel the connection. That people can disappoint you and still stay.

    When I apologize—really apologize—after losing my patience, I’m teaching them something about accountability. When I listen without fixing, I’m teaching them their thoughts matter. When I respect their privacy but remain available, I’m teaching them boundaries and belonging can coexist.

    This is the curriculum no one grades, but it’s the one that lasts.

    Letting Love Be Imperfect

    Some days, I get it wrong.

    Some days I lecture instead of listen. Some days I’m distracted. Some days I miss the moment entirely and realize later that what they needed wasn’t advice—it was presence. And I’m learning to let that be okay.

    Because part of teaching love is modeling repair. Letting them see that relationships don’t fall apart because of mistakes—they grow through honesty and effort.

    I want my tweens to know that love doesn’t require perfection. Just willingness.

    Love That Leaves the Light On

    Maybe the greatest love we teach our tweens is this: you can come back. Back from a bad mood. Back from a bad choice. Back from a slammed door or a sharp word. You can always come back to the kitchen booth. To the couch. To us.

    No speeches required. No grand gestures necessary. Just come as you are.

    The Long Game

    I don’t know what parts of this they’ll remember.

    They probably won’t recall the rides to practice or the snacks or the quiet evenings spent in the same room doing different things. But I hope they’ll remember how it felt to grow up in a home where love didn’t demand a performance.

    Where it was steady. Reliable. Unflashy. Where it showed up every day, even when it wasn’t acknowledged.

    Teaching tweens love without grand gestures is an exercise in trust—the belief that the small things matter, that presence adds up, that love taught quietly still echoes loudly later.

    And maybe one day, when they’re grown, they’ll offer that same kind of love to the people they care about.

    Not loud. Not flashy. Just real.

  • Snow Days Then vs. Snow Days Now

    Snow Days Then vs. Snow Days Now

    (An ’80s + ’90s Kid Tries to Understand the New Rules)

    When Snow Days Were Rare Gems

    When I was a kid, snow days were a rare gem. A unicorn. A whispered rumor that maybe—just maybe—school would be canceled. Now? Now it feels like someone sneezes and the district says, “Let’s call it.”

    I say this with love. And coffee. And the lived experience of an ’80s + 90’s childhood where snow days had to earn their keep.

    Snow Days Had to Be Earned

    In the ’80s, snow days didn’t come easy. They weren’t handed out casually. They required commitment. We’re talking overnight blizzards, snow up to your knees, temperatures that froze your nostrils together.

    Even then, cancellation wasn’t guaranteed. You still woke up early, half-dressed, waiting for confirmation. You stood too close to the TV, staring at the scrolling list of school names like it was a sacred text. If your school didn’t show up? Too bad. Grab your backpack.

    Snow days were so rare that when they did happen, they felt historic—like something you’d tell your kids about someday. Which—ironically—is exactly what I’m doing now.

    No Online School, But Plenty of Cancellations

    Here’s the thing: our district doesn’t do online learning on snow days. No Zoom. No Google Classroom. When school’s canceled, it’s canceled. And yet…I feel like there are a lot of cancellations. Snow days. Cold days. Too-cold-to-stand-at-the-bus-stop days. Weather-adjacent concern days.

    I swear, sometimes I look outside and think, Is the snow day in the room with us right now? Back then, we went to school in weather that would now trigger an automated alert, a district-wide email, and at least three Facebook posts. We didn’t cancel for cold. We layered.

    Cold Weather: Then vs. Now

    I distinctly remember waiting for the bus in temperatures that would now be labeled “unsafe for human life.” We wore jeans with no thermal lining, a coat we’d outgrown, and gloves with holes in the fingers. And we stood there. Quietly. Respectfully. Like tiny pioneers.

    Now, if it’s too cold to safely wait for the bus—and honestly, that’s fair—school is canceled. I understand the logic. I do. But there’s still a small voice in my head whispering, We would have absolutely gone to school in this.

    Snow Day Fun, 90s Edition

    When a snow day finally happened in the ’90s, it was a free-for-all. There was no plan. No schedule. No enrichment activities. You went outside. You stayed out too long. You came in soaked. You ate something vaguely warm and went back out again.

    Parents yelled your name from the back door if they needed you (if they were even home at all). Otherwise, you were presumed alive. Snow days weren’t about safety protocols or weather windows. They were about squeezing every ounce of joy out of a rare, unexpected gift.

    Snow Day Fun, Modern Edition

    Snow days now are still fun—but they look different depending on the house. At ours? I open the door, tell my tweens to be smart, and send them outside unsupervised because I am Gen X, and that’s part of growing up. No dry socks are waiting, no planned snacks, no soup simmering on the stove. It’s a full-on free-for-all, the way nature intended.

    That said, I know plenty of homes where snow days come with supervision, structure, and carefully timed cocoa breaks. Neither way is wrong—but ours still leans a little feral, and I’m not mad about it.

    When Snow Days Lose Their Rarity

    The hardest part isn’t the cancellations themselves—it’s that snow days no longer feel rare. They’re expected. Planned for. Built into the calendar. Kids don’t wait with crossed fingers anymore. They check the forecast and assume it’ll be called.

    And something about that makes the magic feel a little thinner. Not gone. Just different.

    Letting Snow Days Still Feel Special

    Even if snow days come more often now, I want them to feel special. I want slow mornings, extra cocoa, more outside time than usual, and less rushing. Because whether they’re rare gems or frequent flyers, snow days still offer something important: a pause, a break in routine, a reminder that sometimes the world says, “Stay home.”

    And honestly? I’ll take that—whether it happens once a winter or five times before February.

  • Winter Parenting Wins That Deserve a Trophy

    Winter Parenting Wins That Deserve a Trophy

    Winter parenting is not for the faint of heart. Or the well-rested. Or anyone who thought parenting would get easier once kids could tie their own shoes.

    Winter parenting is parenting on hard mode.

    The sun sets at 4:42 PM. Everyone is overstimulated and under-vitamined. The kids are trapped inside with their hormones and opinions. And tweens—oh, sweet tweens—are walking contradictions wrapped in hoodies who love you deeply and act like your breathing is a personal attack.

    So today, we hand out trophies. Not for perfection. Not for Pinterest parenting. But for the quiet, gritty, deeply unglamorous wins that keep the whole house from emotionally combusting in January.

    If you’re parenting tweens this winter and wondering if you’re doing anything right—this one’s for you.

    🏆 Trophy #1: You Got Them Out the Door (Eventually)

    Did it take three reminders, one raised voice, a dramatic sigh, and a conversation about how time is, in fact, real? Yes.

    Did everyone leave wearing shoes, coats, and at least some form of dignity? Also yes.

    That’s a win.

    Winter mornings with tweens are like herding cats who are actively mad at you for existing. Socks are suddenly unbearable. Jackets are “too hot” and “too cold” simultaneously. No one can find anything they touched five minutes ago.

    But you did it. They went to school. You only cried a little.

    Award yourself the gold.

    🏆 Trophy #2: You Let Them Be Moody Without Making It About You

    This one deserves a standing ovation.

    Because when a tween slams a door, answers “I DON’T KNOW” to every question, and looks at you like you’ve personally ruined their life—it takes restraint not to spiral.

    You didn’t lecture. You didn’t overreact. You didn’t demand gratitude or emotional clarity.

    You said things like:

    • “Okay.”
    • “I’m here.”
    • “We can talk later.”

    And then you backed away slowly like someone trained in wildlife safety.

    That’s emotional intelligence in action. Even if it felt like emotional neglect to your inner child.

    🏆 Trophy #3: You Fed Them Something (Anything)

    Winter meals are a battlefield.

    Everyone is hungry. No one wants what you made. The same food they loved yesterday is now “gross” for reasons they cannot articulate.

    But you fed them.

    Maybe it was soup. Maybe it was chicken nuggets. Maybe it was cereal at 6:30 PM because everyone was tired and it was fine.

    Nutrition looks different in survival season. And guess what? Fed kids > perfect kids.

    Someone call the judges.

    🏆 Trophy #4: You Didn’t Turn Every Attitude Into a Life Lesson

    Because not everything needs to be a talk.

    Sometimes a sigh is just a sigh. Sometimes an eye roll is just a neurological glitch. Sometimes the vibe is bad and will pass if you don’t poke it.

    You chose peace. You let things slide. You saved your energy for the important stuff—like safety, kindness, and basic human decency.

    That is advanced parenting. Jedi-level restraint.

    🏆 Trophy #5: You Kept Them Alive, Warm, and Mostly Decent

    Winter parenting lowers the bar—and that’s not failure, it’s wisdom.

    Everyone is tired. Schedules are weird. School feels endless. Cabin fever is real.

    And yet:

    • They’re clothed.
    • They’re fed.
    • They’re loved.
    • They know where home is.

    That’s not bare minimum. That’s the work.

    🏆 Trophy #6: You Let Winter Be Slow Instead of Magical

    You didn’t force joy.

    You didn’t demand gratitude. You didn’t insist on making every snowy moment a core memory.

    You let winter be what it is: Quiet. Heavy. Restless. A little dull. A little hard.

    You understood that kids—especially tweens—don’t need constant cheer. They need permission to feel off without being fixed.

    That’s not lazy parenting. That’s emotionally literate parenting.

    🏆 Trophy #7: You Laughed (Even When It Was Dark Humor)

    You laughed when:

    • They argued about whose turn it was to breathe.
    • They wore shorts in 20 degrees “because it’s not that cold.”
    • They wanted privacy but also needed you to find something right now.

    You laughed because if you didn’t, you might scream into a pillow.

    Laughter is a coping mechanism. A very healthy one. Science probably backs this up.

    🏆 Trophy #8: You Showed Up Even When You Were Done

    This is the big one.

    You showed up:

    • After work.
    • After dinner.
    • After you had nothing left.

    You listened to stories you barely understood. You sat through silence without pushing. You stayed available even when they pretended not to care.

    That matters more than you know.

    Tweens act like they don’t need you—but winter reveals the truth. They orbit close. They linger. They hover near the kitchen like emotionally complicated moths.

    And you stayed.

    🏆 Trophy #9: You Didn’t Lose Yourself Entirely

    Maybe you drank your coffee hot. Maybe you read a chapter. Maybe you went to bed early instead of folding laundry like a martyr.

    You remembered that you are a person, not just a support staff member for moody preteens.

    That’s not selfish. That’s sustainability.

    🏆 Trophy #10: You’re Still Trying (Even When It’s Hard)

    Winter parenting doesn’t look cute on Instagram.

    It looks like:

    • Deep sighs.
    • Messy kitchens.
    • Half-finished conversations.
    • Love expressed quietly, imperfectly, daily.

    If you’re here—reading this—wondering if you’re doing enough? You are. You don’t need a gold star. But you absolutely deserve a trophy.

    Preferably one that says: “Surviving Winter Parenting With Tweens and Haven’t Completely Lost It.”

    Place it somewhere visible. Right next to the coffee pot.

  • January According to My Almost Teenagers

    January According to My Almost Teenagers

    January, as it turns out, is not a fresh start. It is not a clean slate. It is not a gentle reset. It is not an opportunity for growth, reflection, or becoming a better version of yourself.

    According to my almost teenagers, January is an offense.

    An inconvenience. A personal attack. A month that should be optional, outlawed, or at least discussed in a family meeting before being added to the calendar.

    If you’re picturing cozy mornings, calm routines, and fresh motivation, please know this: January has entered my house like a substitute teacher who assigns homework on the first day.

    January Is “Too Much School,” Immediately

    Let’s start with their strongest and most passionate belief.

    January has way too much school. Not regular school. Not normal school. Aggressively scheduled school. Five full days a week, right out of the gate, like no one just spent weeks eating cookies for breakfast and forgetting how backpacks work.

    “Didn’t we just do this?”
    “Why are there tests already?”
    “I feel like winter break was fake.”

    Apparently, December was a warm hug, and January is a pop quiz that makes eye contact.

    The backpacks are heavier. The mornings are darker. The vibes are gone. January expects them to walk back into academic life emotionally prepared, spiritually grounded, and ready to try—and frankly, that feels like too much to ask.

    January has zero chill.

    January Is Cold, but Make It Personal

    January cold is not cute cold.

    It is not cozy-cocoa, Hallmark-movie, “let’s romanticize winter” cold.

    It is mean cold.

    This is the kind of cold that hurts your face, ruins your hair, and makes every coat feel like a personal betrayal. The air itself feels aggressive. Nothing about it is charming. It’s just cold for the sake of being difficult.

    They don’t want snow days. They want hope days—days where school might be canceled, probably won’t be, but you still get to spiral about it all morning.

    January refuses to participate in that fantasy and honestly seems proud of it.

    January Has an Attitude Problem

    January is not festive.

    December sparkles. October crackles. Even February, with its forced romance and aggressive pink aisle displays, at least tries.

    January offers nothing but responsibility.

    No decorations. No candy worth sneaking. No music except whatever’s playing on the radio while everyone silently agrees it’s too early for this.

    January is the month that says, “Alright, let’s get back to it,” without asking if anyone is emotionally prepared—or emotionally alive.

    My almost teenagers would like January to bring something. A parade. A mascot. A snack theme. Literally anything to justify its existence.

    January Is When Parents Get Weird

    January is also the month when parents suddenly change. We start saying things like:

    “Let’s get back into a routine.”
    “We should reset.”
    “This is a good time to build habits.”

    According to my almost teenagers, this is deeply suspicious behavior.

    January is when I start caring about bedtimes again. When I ask about homework. When I say things like, “Let’s make good choices,” as if I’ve forgotten who I live with.

    January turns parents into motivational speakers with coffee mugs and unrealistic expectations.

    They preferred December Mom—the one who said, “Sure, one more cookie,” and “We’ll worry about that later.”

    January Mom has a brand new planner and has opinions about it. They do not trust her.

    January Is Emotionally Confusing and Nobody Likes That

    Here’s the part they don’t have words for—but live out dramatically.

    January feels long.

    The days drag. The light disappears by dinner. The excitement is gone, but spring is still a rumor. There’s nothing to look forward to except Valentine’s candy, and that’s weeks away.

    They are tired for no reason. Moody for no reason. Hungry immediately after eating. January messes with their emotions, and they would like it to stop.

    They don’t have language for seasonal comedowns or post-holiday whiplash. They just know January feels unfair and mildly personal.

    January According to Their Wardrobes

    January is when each of my almost teenagers commits to wearing the same hoodie every single day. The emotional support hoodie. It is oversized. It smells questionable. It is absolutely not appropriate for the weather.

    But January is not about logic. January is about survival.

    Jeans are suspicious. Socks are optional. Pajama pants under real pants are not open for discussion. January fashion says: Do not look at me. Do not speak to me. I am doing my best.

    January Is “A Short Month” (Allegedly)

    Parents love to say, “At least January is a short month.” This is propaganda.

    January is not short. January is not medium. January is approximately six years long.

    My almost teenagers would like the record to show that January contains at least 97 school days and lasts until morale improves.

    They do not believe February is real. They think adults invented it to keep society functioning.

    And Yet—Here’s the Soft Part

    Here’s the thing they’d never admit.

    January is when they sit closer on the couch. When they linger in the kitchen. When they ask for snacks, rides, and company.

    January strips away the noise and leaves us with quiet evenings, shared sighs, and the awkward in-between season of growing up.

    They are almost teenagers—half brave, half unsure. January mirrors that. It demands resilience when they’d rather hide. It expects maturity while they’re still figuring out who they are.

    So they complain. Loudly. Creatively. Constantly. And honestly? Fair.

    January is hard—for them, for us, for anyone who just finished holding it together through the holidays and now has to keep going.

    January, According to Me

    January isn’t about fixing them—or myself. It’s about softer landings. Lower expectations. Extra grace when moods swing. Letting the hoodie live one more day.

    It’s about remembering that starting again doesn’t have to be loud, productive, or impressive. Sometimes January is just about showing up with snacks, warmth, and a sense of humor.

    According to my almost teenagers, that’s the only acceptable plan.

    And, against my better judgment, I think they’re right.