Fry, Party of Five

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  • 10 Days Before Thirteen

    10 Days Before Thirteen

    Ten days from now, our house will quietly (and not so quietly) cross a threshold. Ten days from now, Jase, Henley, and Sadie will turn thirteen.

    Thirteen feels different. Not louder, exactly. Just heavier. Like a door swinging shut behind us while another creaks open ahead. We’re not slamming the door on childhood—we’re just setting it gently against the frame and leaving the light on.

    It’s strange how fast thirteen arrives. I can still see the NICU lights, the too-small diapers, the way we learned to parent in threes before we ever learned how to parent at all. We counted bottles. We counted naps. We counted minutes. Somewhere along the way, we stopped counting and just started living.

    And now here we are. Ten days out from teenagers.

    Jase

    He has always been the quiet center of this trio. Thoughtful. Observant. Protective in a way that doesn’t announce itself. He doesn’t need the spotlight; he prefers the edges, where he can see everything. He’s the kid who notices when someone’s missing, who carries facts in his head like treasures, who loves sports not for the noise but for the rhythm of it. Jase doesn’t rush into anything—he studies it first. And somehow, without fanfare, he has taught us that quiet can be powerful and presence doesn’t have to be loud to matter.

    Henley

    This girl arrived in this world like a spark. Persistent, curious, determined, and a fighter from day one. If there’s a wall, she’s already halfway over it. If there’s music playing, she’s learning how to play it. She feels things big and bright and right now. Animals find her. Adventure follows her. Henley reminds us daily that joy is not something you wait for—it’s something you chase down the driveway barefoot. She lives out loud, and she always has.

    Sadie

    She has been a reader of the room since birth. Perceptive, expressive, dramatic in the most endearing way. She wants things to be right, fair, and meaningful. She loves stories—books, people, moments—and she carries them with her. Sadie feels deeply and thinks carefully, and she has a way of standing tall even when she’s unsure. She is brave in a quiet, determined way that often shows up after she’s thought it all through.

    Watching the three of them grow together has been its own kind of miracle. They’ve shared birthdays, bedrooms, milestones, and memories—but they’ve never been copies of one another. They’ve argued fiercely and defended each other just as fiercely. They know exactly how to push each other’s buttons, and exactly how to show up when it counts.

    Thirteen doesn’t mean we’ve figured it all out. If anything, it means we’re entering a season where answers are fewer and listening matters more. We’re learning when to step in and when to step back. When to hold on and when to loosen our grip. Parenting teenagers feels less like steering and more like walking alongside—sometimes ahead, sometimes behind, often pretending we’re not watching as closely as we are.

    Ten days from now, there will be cake. There will be laughter. There will probably be music that’s too loud and jokes that don’t make sense to us anymore. There will be eye rolls and hugs and that strange mix of independence and closeness that defines this age.

    But today—ten days before thirteen—I just want to pause.

    I want to remember snow days and scraped knees and bedtime stories read in chorus. I want to remember the sound of little feet running down the hallway and the way their voices used to overlap when they were excited. I want to remember who they’ve been, even as I look ahead to who they’re becoming.

    Jase, Henley, and Sadie: you don’t need to rush into anything. There is no prize for growing up faster. You are allowed to be thirteen—awkward, funny, serious, unsure, confident, all at once. You are allowed to change your minds. You are allowed to take up space in your own ways.

    Ten days from now, we’ll celebrate the teenagers you’re becoming. Today, we’re honoring the kids you’ve been—and the incredible humans you already are.

    Thirteen is coming. And we’re ready…enough.

  • What My Tweens Think Love Is (Right Now)

    What My Tweens Think Love Is (Right Now)

    Love, according to my tweens, is confusing, dramatic, deeply inconvenient, and—most importantly—not something they want to talk about with their mother for more than 14 seconds at a time.

    Which is ironic, because once upon a time, they were toddlers who announced they were going to marry me, the dog, or whoever gave them a snack at the right moment.

    Now? Now love is… complicated.

    I live with three almost (not quite) 13-year-olds, which means I am essentially running a small emotional research lab where the test subjects are moody, highly opinionated, and allergic to sincerity. I have learned a lot about love this year. Not from books. From overheard conversations, eye rolls, and the way silence can say, “Please stop talking, immediately.”

    Here’s what my tweens think love is—right now.

    Love Is Extremely Embarrassing

    First and foremost, love is cringe.

    Holding hands? Cringe. Hugging in public? Illegal. Parents kissing? Grounds for permanent emotional damage.

    Love, in their view, should be private, subtle, and ideally invisible. If you acknowledge it too loudly, it loses its power and becomes embarrassing content that may be referenced later as proof you’ve “always been weird.”

    They will tolerate affection only under strict conditions:

    • No witnesses
    • No lingering
    • No commentary

    Love is fine. Just don’t perform it.

    Love Is Loyalty (But Not the Mushy Kind)

    Despite their disdain for romantic gestures, tweens are fiercely loyal.

    Love means sitting next to your friend even when you’re mad at them. It means defending someone in a group chat, then complaining about them privately later. It means knowing who someone likes—and not telling. Ever.

    Love is trust. Love is allegiance. Love is the unspoken rule that says, “I’ve got you, even if you’re annoying.”

    They don’t say “I love you” much. They show it by choosing the same seat at lunch every day.

    Love Is Snacks and Small Gestures

    Forget grand declarations. Tween love lives in the details.

    Love is saving the last brownie. Love is sharing your Flamin’ Hot Cheetos (even though you said you wouldn’t). Love is handing someone a hoodie without being asked.

    This generation understands acts of service instinctively. They may not articulate feelings well, but they will silently slide you a snack and pretend it meant nothing.

    That’s love. That’s the language.

    Love Is Confusing and Comes With Rules No One Explained

    Love, apparently, has a lot of rules. Rules they all know. Rules I do not.

    You can like someone—but not too much. You can talk—but not text first. You can care—but only if you act like you don’t.

    They are navigating a world of crushes, “talking,” not dating, definitely not dating, and whatever phase exists right before denial.

    Love is exciting and terrifying and comes with the constant fear of being perceived.

    Honestly? Same.

    Love Is Friendship First (Even If They Won’t Admit It)

    The strongest loves in their lives are friendships. The kids who feel safe. The ones who make them laugh. The ones who know when to change the subject.

    Romantic love might be intriguing, but friendship is essential. They don’t say it like that—but they live it.

    They measure love by who gets their time, their jokes, and their inside references. Who they want near them when life feels overwhelming.

    That’s not shallow. That’s wisdom.

    Love Is Also Something They Pretend They Don’t Care About

    Here’s the thing about tweens: they care deeply. But caring openly is risky. So they act indifferent. They roll their eyes. They say things like, “It’s not a big deal,” when it very clearly is.

    Love is vulnerability. Vulnerability is dangerous. Therefore, love is something you casually pretend doesn’t matter—even while building your whole emotional world around it.

    They are learning how to protect their hearts. Sometimes clumsily. Sometimes loudly. Sometimes by pretending they don’t have one.

    What I Hope They’re Learning (Even Now)

    Right now, love looks awkward. Defensive. Half-formed. But underneath the snark and the shrugs, I see something good taking shape.

    They know love isn’t constant fireworks. They know it shows up quietly. They know it requires trust.

    They are learning that love can be steady without being loud. That it doesn’t have to be perfect to be real. That sometimes love looks like sitting on opposite ends of the couch, sharing space without words.

    And maybe that’s exactly how it should start. Because love doesn’t arrive fully formed at twelve. It grows. It matures. It softens. Right now, it looks like loyalty, snacks, silence, and side-eye.

    And honestly? That’s a pretty solid foundation.

  • Teaching Love to Tweens Who Pretend They Don’t Need It

    Teaching Love to Tweens Who Pretend They Don’t Need It

    Here’s the thing no one really prepares you for when your kids hit the tween years: love stops being loud.

    It used to be sticky and constant. It lived in lap-sitting, hand-holding, and dramatic declarations of “I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH,” arms stretched wide like they were trying to hug the entire universe. Love was obvious. It was needy. It asked for snacks, stories, and one more tuck-in.

    Then, somewhere around age nine or ten, love got quieter.

    Now I’m parenting three almost teens, and I’m learning—sometimes clumsily—that love no longer announces itself with glitter and fanfare. It shows up sideways in fragments. In moments you could easily miss if you’re waiting for grand gestures.

    And maybe that’s the lesson I didn’t know I’d be teaching them all along.

    The Myth of the Big Moment

    We live in a culture that loves spectacle. Big birthdays. Big apologies. Big “I love yous.” We’ve taught kids—without really meaning to—that love is something you perform. Something you prove with extravagance.

    But tweens? They don’t live there anymore.

    They live in the in-between. In eye rolls that still mean “stay close.” In silence that doesn’t mean distance. In independence that quietly checks to see if you’re still watching.

    So when I think about teaching my tweens love, I’m realizing it has less to do with grand gestures and more to do with consistency. Presence. Showing up again and again, even when they act like they couldn’t care less.

    Especially then.

    Love Looks Like Showing Up Anyway

    Love, at this stage, often looks unremarkable.

    It’s sitting through long explanations about video games you don’t understand. It’s driving them to practice and not asking questions the entire way. It’s remembering who likes the blue cup and who hates when food touches. It’s standing in the kitchen while they talk at you instead of to you.

    It’s knowing when to push and when to back off.

    And let me tell you—this kind of love doesn’t photograph well. There’s no Instagram caption for “I stayed regulated while my tween slammed their bedroom door.”

    But this is where the real work happens.

    Teaching Love Without Keeping Score

    One of the hardest shifts for me has been letting go of reciprocity. When they were little, love came back quickly and generously. A hug for a hug. An “I love you” echoed right back. Now? Not so much.

    Now love is often one-sided. Or at least it feels that way.

    I still say “I love you” even when it’s met with a shrug. I still reach for connection even when they don’t. I still offer affection without expecting it to be returned on my timeline.

    Because I want them to learn that love isn’t transactional.

    Love doesn’t say, I’ll show up if you do. Love says, I’m here. Period.

    The Quiet Curriculum

    Here’s what I hope they’re absorbing, even if they’d roll their eyes if I said it out loud:

    That love can be steady and boring and safe. That you don’t have to earn it with perfection. That conflict doesn’t cancel the connection. That people can disappoint you and still stay.

    When I apologize—really apologize—after losing my patience, I’m teaching them something about accountability. When I listen without fixing, I’m teaching them their thoughts matter. When I respect their privacy but remain available, I’m teaching them boundaries and belonging can coexist.

    This is the curriculum no one grades, but it’s the one that lasts.

    Letting Love Be Imperfect

    Some days, I get it wrong.

    Some days I lecture instead of listen. Some days I’m distracted. Some days I miss the moment entirely and realize later that what they needed wasn’t advice—it was presence. And I’m learning to let that be okay.

    Because part of teaching love is modeling repair. Letting them see that relationships don’t fall apart because of mistakes—they grow through honesty and effort.

    I want my tweens to know that love doesn’t require perfection. Just willingness.

    Love That Leaves the Light On

    Maybe the greatest love we teach our tweens is this: you can come back. Back from a bad mood. Back from a bad choice. Back from a slammed door or a sharp word. You can always come back to the kitchen booth. To the couch. To us.

    No speeches required. No grand gestures necessary. Just come as you are.

    The Long Game

    I don’t know what parts of this they’ll remember.

    They probably won’t recall the rides to practice or the snacks or the quiet evenings spent in the same room doing different things. But I hope they’ll remember how it felt to grow up in a home where love didn’t demand a performance.

    Where it was steady. Reliable. Unflashy. Where it showed up every day, even when it wasn’t acknowledged.

    Teaching tweens love without grand gestures is an exercise in trust—the belief that the small things matter, that presence adds up, that love taught quietly still echoes loudly later.

    And maybe one day, when they’re grown, they’ll offer that same kind of love to the people they care about.

    Not loud. Not flashy. Just real.

  • Snow Days Then vs. Snow Days Now

    Snow Days Then vs. Snow Days Now

    (An ’80s + ’90s Kid Tries to Understand the New Rules)

    When Snow Days Were Rare Gems

    When I was a kid, snow days were a rare gem. A unicorn. A whispered rumor that maybe—just maybe—school would be canceled. Now? Now it feels like someone sneezes and the district says, “Let’s call it.”

    I say this with love. And coffee. And the lived experience of an ’80s + 90’s childhood where snow days had to earn their keep.

    Snow Days Had to Be Earned

    In the ’80s, snow days didn’t come easy. They weren’t handed out casually. They required commitment. We’re talking overnight blizzards, snow up to your knees, temperatures that froze your nostrils together.

    Even then, cancellation wasn’t guaranteed. You still woke up early, half-dressed, waiting for confirmation. You stood too close to the TV, staring at the scrolling list of school names like it was a sacred text. If your school didn’t show up? Too bad. Grab your backpack.

    Snow days were so rare that when they did happen, they felt historic—like something you’d tell your kids about someday. Which—ironically—is exactly what I’m doing now.

    No Online School, But Plenty of Cancellations

    Here’s the thing: our district doesn’t do online learning on snow days. No Zoom. No Google Classroom. When school’s canceled, it’s canceled. And yet…I feel like there are a lot of cancellations. Snow days. Cold days. Too-cold-to-stand-at-the-bus-stop days. Weather-adjacent concern days.

    I swear, sometimes I look outside and think, Is the snow day in the room with us right now? Back then, we went to school in weather that would now trigger an automated alert, a district-wide email, and at least three Facebook posts. We didn’t cancel for cold. We layered.

    Cold Weather: Then vs. Now

    I distinctly remember waiting for the bus in temperatures that would now be labeled “unsafe for human life.” We wore jeans with no thermal lining, a coat we’d outgrown, and gloves with holes in the fingers. And we stood there. Quietly. Respectfully. Like tiny pioneers.

    Now, if it’s too cold to safely wait for the bus—and honestly, that’s fair—school is canceled. I understand the logic. I do. But there’s still a small voice in my head whispering, We would have absolutely gone to school in this.

    Snow Day Fun, 90s Edition

    When a snow day finally happened in the ’90s, it was a free-for-all. There was no plan. No schedule. No enrichment activities. You went outside. You stayed out too long. You came in soaked. You ate something vaguely warm and went back out again.

    Parents yelled your name from the back door if they needed you (if they were even home at all). Otherwise, you were presumed alive. Snow days weren’t about safety protocols or weather windows. They were about squeezing every ounce of joy out of a rare, unexpected gift.

    Snow Day Fun, Modern Edition

    Snow days now are still fun—but they look different depending on the house. At ours? I open the door, tell my tweens to be smart, and send them outside unsupervised because I am Gen X, and that’s part of growing up. No dry socks are waiting, no planned snacks, no soup simmering on the stove. It’s a full-on free-for-all, the way nature intended.

    That said, I know plenty of homes where snow days come with supervision, structure, and carefully timed cocoa breaks. Neither way is wrong—but ours still leans a little feral, and I’m not mad about it.

    When Snow Days Lose Their Rarity

    The hardest part isn’t the cancellations themselves—it’s that snow days no longer feel rare. They’re expected. Planned for. Built into the calendar. Kids don’t wait with crossed fingers anymore. They check the forecast and assume it’ll be called.

    And something about that makes the magic feel a little thinner. Not gone. Just different.

    Letting Snow Days Still Feel Special

    Even if snow days come more often now, I want them to feel special. I want slow mornings, extra cocoa, more outside time than usual, and less rushing. Because whether they’re rare gems or frequent flyers, snow days still offer something important: a pause, a break in routine, a reminder that sometimes the world says, “Stay home.”

    And honestly? I’ll take that—whether it happens once a winter or five times before February.

  • Winter Parenting Wins That Deserve a Trophy

    Winter Parenting Wins That Deserve a Trophy

    Winter parenting is not for the faint of heart. Or the well-rested. Or anyone who thought parenting would get easier once kids could tie their own shoes.

    Winter parenting is parenting on hard mode.

    The sun sets at 4:42 PM. Everyone is overstimulated and under-vitamined. The kids are trapped inside with their hormones and opinions. And tweens—oh, sweet tweens—are walking contradictions wrapped in hoodies who love you deeply and act like your breathing is a personal attack.

    So today, we hand out trophies. Not for perfection. Not for Pinterest parenting. But for the quiet, gritty, deeply unglamorous wins that keep the whole house from emotionally combusting in January.

    If you’re parenting tweens this winter and wondering if you’re doing anything right—this one’s for you.

    🏆 Trophy #1: You Got Them Out the Door (Eventually)

    Did it take three reminders, one raised voice, a dramatic sigh, and a conversation about how time is, in fact, real? Yes.

    Did everyone leave wearing shoes, coats, and at least some form of dignity? Also yes.

    That’s a win.

    Winter mornings with tweens are like herding cats who are actively mad at you for existing. Socks are suddenly unbearable. Jackets are “too hot” and “too cold” simultaneously. No one can find anything they touched five minutes ago.

    But you did it. They went to school. You only cried a little.

    Award yourself the gold.

    🏆 Trophy #2: You Let Them Be Moody Without Making It About You

    This one deserves a standing ovation.

    Because when a tween slams a door, answers “I DON’T KNOW” to every question, and looks at you like you’ve personally ruined their life—it takes restraint not to spiral.

    You didn’t lecture. You didn’t overreact. You didn’t demand gratitude or emotional clarity.

    You said things like:

    • “Okay.”
    • “I’m here.”
    • “We can talk later.”

    And then you backed away slowly like someone trained in wildlife safety.

    That’s emotional intelligence in action. Even if it felt like emotional neglect to your inner child.

    🏆 Trophy #3: You Fed Them Something (Anything)

    Winter meals are a battlefield.

    Everyone is hungry. No one wants what you made. The same food they loved yesterday is now “gross” for reasons they cannot articulate.

    But you fed them.

    Maybe it was soup. Maybe it was chicken nuggets. Maybe it was cereal at 6:30 PM because everyone was tired and it was fine.

    Nutrition looks different in survival season. And guess what? Fed kids > perfect kids.

    Someone call the judges.

    🏆 Trophy #4: You Didn’t Turn Every Attitude Into a Life Lesson

    Because not everything needs to be a talk.

    Sometimes a sigh is just a sigh. Sometimes an eye roll is just a neurological glitch. Sometimes the vibe is bad and will pass if you don’t poke it.

    You chose peace. You let things slide. You saved your energy for the important stuff—like safety, kindness, and basic human decency.

    That is advanced parenting. Jedi-level restraint.

    🏆 Trophy #5: You Kept Them Alive, Warm, and Mostly Decent

    Winter parenting lowers the bar—and that’s not failure, it’s wisdom.

    Everyone is tired. Schedules are weird. School feels endless. Cabin fever is real.

    And yet:

    • They’re clothed.
    • They’re fed.
    • They’re loved.
    • They know where home is.

    That’s not bare minimum. That’s the work.

    🏆 Trophy #6: You Let Winter Be Slow Instead of Magical

    You didn’t force joy.

    You didn’t demand gratitude. You didn’t insist on making every snowy moment a core memory.

    You let winter be what it is: Quiet. Heavy. Restless. A little dull. A little hard.

    You understood that kids—especially tweens—don’t need constant cheer. They need permission to feel off without being fixed.

    That’s not lazy parenting. That’s emotionally literate parenting.

    🏆 Trophy #7: You Laughed (Even When It Was Dark Humor)

    You laughed when:

    • They argued about whose turn it was to breathe.
    • They wore shorts in 20 degrees “because it’s not that cold.”
    • They wanted privacy but also needed you to find something right now.

    You laughed because if you didn’t, you might scream into a pillow.

    Laughter is a coping mechanism. A very healthy one. Science probably backs this up.

    🏆 Trophy #8: You Showed Up Even When You Were Done

    This is the big one.

    You showed up:

    • After work.
    • After dinner.
    • After you had nothing left.

    You listened to stories you barely understood. You sat through silence without pushing. You stayed available even when they pretended not to care.

    That matters more than you know.

    Tweens act like they don’t need you—but winter reveals the truth. They orbit close. They linger. They hover near the kitchen like emotionally complicated moths.

    And you stayed.

    🏆 Trophy #9: You Didn’t Lose Yourself Entirely

    Maybe you drank your coffee hot. Maybe you read a chapter. Maybe you went to bed early instead of folding laundry like a martyr.

    You remembered that you are a person, not just a support staff member for moody preteens.

    That’s not selfish. That’s sustainability.

    🏆 Trophy #10: You’re Still Trying (Even When It’s Hard)

    Winter parenting doesn’t look cute on Instagram.

    It looks like:

    • Deep sighs.
    • Messy kitchens.
    • Half-finished conversations.
    • Love expressed quietly, imperfectly, daily.

    If you’re here—reading this—wondering if you’re doing enough? You are. You don’t need a gold star. But you absolutely deserve a trophy.

    Preferably one that says: “Surviving Winter Parenting With Tweens and Haven’t Completely Lost It.”

    Place it somewhere visible. Right next to the coffee pot.

  • January According to My Almost Teenagers

    January According to My Almost Teenagers

    January, as it turns out, is not a fresh start. It is not a clean slate. It is not a gentle reset. It is not an opportunity for growth, reflection, or becoming a better version of yourself.

    According to my almost teenagers, January is an offense.

    An inconvenience. A personal attack. A month that should be optional, outlawed, or at least discussed in a family meeting before being added to the calendar.

    If you’re picturing cozy mornings, calm routines, and fresh motivation, please know this: January has entered my house like a substitute teacher who assigns homework on the first day.

    January Is “Too Much School,” Immediately

    Let’s start with their strongest and most passionate belief.

    January has way too much school. Not regular school. Not normal school. Aggressively scheduled school. Five full days a week, right out of the gate, like no one just spent weeks eating cookies for breakfast and forgetting how backpacks work.

    “Didn’t we just do this?”
    “Why are there tests already?”
    “I feel like winter break was fake.”

    Apparently, December was a warm hug, and January is a pop quiz that makes eye contact.

    The backpacks are heavier. The mornings are darker. The vibes are gone. January expects them to walk back into academic life emotionally prepared, spiritually grounded, and ready to try—and frankly, that feels like too much to ask.

    January has zero chill.

    January Is Cold, but Make It Personal

    January cold is not cute cold.

    It is not cozy-cocoa, Hallmark-movie, “let’s romanticize winter” cold.

    It is mean cold.

    This is the kind of cold that hurts your face, ruins your hair, and makes every coat feel like a personal betrayal. The air itself feels aggressive. Nothing about it is charming. It’s just cold for the sake of being difficult.

    They don’t want snow days. They want hope days—days where school might be canceled, probably won’t be, but you still get to spiral about it all morning.

    January refuses to participate in that fantasy and honestly seems proud of it.

    January Has an Attitude Problem

    January is not festive.

    December sparkles. October crackles. Even February, with its forced romance and aggressive pink aisle displays, at least tries.

    January offers nothing but responsibility.

    No decorations. No candy worth sneaking. No music except whatever’s playing on the radio while everyone silently agrees it’s too early for this.

    January is the month that says, “Alright, let’s get back to it,” without asking if anyone is emotionally prepared—or emotionally alive.

    My almost teenagers would like January to bring something. A parade. A mascot. A snack theme. Literally anything to justify its existence.

    January Is When Parents Get Weird

    January is also the month when parents suddenly change. We start saying things like:

    “Let’s get back into a routine.”
    “We should reset.”
    “This is a good time to build habits.”

    According to my almost teenagers, this is deeply suspicious behavior.

    January is when I start caring about bedtimes again. When I ask about homework. When I say things like, “Let’s make good choices,” as if I’ve forgotten who I live with.

    January turns parents into motivational speakers with coffee mugs and unrealistic expectations.

    They preferred December Mom—the one who said, “Sure, one more cookie,” and “We’ll worry about that later.”

    January Mom has a brand new planner and has opinions about it. They do not trust her.

    January Is Emotionally Confusing and Nobody Likes That

    Here’s the part they don’t have words for—but live out dramatically.

    January feels long.

    The days drag. The light disappears by dinner. The excitement is gone, but spring is still a rumor. There’s nothing to look forward to except Valentine’s candy, and that’s weeks away.

    They are tired for no reason. Moody for no reason. Hungry immediately after eating. January messes with their emotions, and they would like it to stop.

    They don’t have language for seasonal comedowns or post-holiday whiplash. They just know January feels unfair and mildly personal.

    January According to Their Wardrobes

    January is when each of my almost teenagers commits to wearing the same hoodie every single day. The emotional support hoodie. It is oversized. It smells questionable. It is absolutely not appropriate for the weather.

    But January is not about logic. January is about survival.

    Jeans are suspicious. Socks are optional. Pajama pants under real pants are not open for discussion. January fashion says: Do not look at me. Do not speak to me. I am doing my best.

    January Is “A Short Month” (Allegedly)

    Parents love to say, “At least January is a short month.” This is propaganda.

    January is not short. January is not medium. January is approximately six years long.

    My almost teenagers would like the record to show that January contains at least 97 school days and lasts until morale improves.

    They do not believe February is real. They think adults invented it to keep society functioning.

    And Yet—Here’s the Soft Part

    Here’s the thing they’d never admit.

    January is when they sit closer on the couch. When they linger in the kitchen. When they ask for snacks, rides, and company.

    January strips away the noise and leaves us with quiet evenings, shared sighs, and the awkward in-between season of growing up.

    They are almost teenagers—half brave, half unsure. January mirrors that. It demands resilience when they’d rather hide. It expects maturity while they’re still figuring out who they are.

    So they complain. Loudly. Creatively. Constantly. And honestly? Fair.

    January is hard—for them, for us, for anyone who just finished holding it together through the holidays and now has to keep going.

    January, According to Me

    January isn’t about fixing them—or myself. It’s about softer landings. Lower expectations. Extra grace when moods swing. Letting the hoodie live one more day.

    It’s about remembering that starting again doesn’t have to be loud, productive, or impressive. Sometimes January is just about showing up with snacks, warmth, and a sense of humor.

    According to my almost teenagers, that’s the only acceptable plan.

    And, against my better judgment, I think they’re right.

  • For the Five of Us, as the Year Begins

    For the Five of Us, as the Year Begins

    My Loves—

    We are standing at the beginning of a new year, and I want to mark this moment. Not with resolutions or promises we can’t keep, not with a highlight reel or a tidy bow—but with truth. With gratitude. With the quiet kind of love that has carried us when nothing else could.

    This year we are leaving behind was heavy. There is no softer word for it. Heavy with fear, with waiting rooms and whispered conversations, with days that stretched too long and nights that came too quickly. Heavy with the kind of uncertainty that seeps into your bones and makes even ordinary moments feel fragile.

    And yet—here we are. Still five. Still together. Still standing.

    There was healing here, too. Not the fast, miraculous kind people like to talk about, but the slow, stubborn kind. The kind that asks for patience and rest and courage you didn’t know you had. Healing that didn’t always look like progress, but was happening anyway. Quietly. Faithfully.

    Our life remained chaotic, because of course it did. Schedules collided. Shoes went missing. Voices were raised. Laundry multiplied like it had a personal vendetta. Some days felt like survival dressed up as routine. Ordinary, exhausting days that didn’t ask for permission before piling on.

    And still—there was beauty.

    The kind that sneaks in sideways. Laughter in the kitchen booth. A hand held a little longer than necessary. The way our house felt lived-in, not perfect. The way love showed up, even when we were tired and scared and unsure of what came next.

    We survived last year. And that counts for more than we’ll ever fully name. As we step into this new one, I want you to know what I’m carrying forward with me.

    I want more patience—with myself, with you, with this season of becoming we’re all in. I want more laughter, even when it feels easier to be quiet. More presence. More softness. More courage to stay when things feel uncomfortable instead of rushing past them.

    I want less rushing, even when the calendar begs for it. Less snapping, less trying to do everything right all at once. Less believing the lie that we have to have it all figured out to be doing okay. Less burnout disguised as responsibility.

    I know we won’t magically achieve all of this. I know we’ll forget. I know there will be days when we fall back into old patterns, when grace feels harder to reach than frustration. But wanting these things matters. Naming them matters.

    And to you—my almost-thirteen-year-olds—standing on the edge of something big and strange and new.

    I see how you are changing. How you pull away and come back. How you want independence and reassurance in the same breath. How your world feels louder, heavier, more complicated than it did even a year ago.

    I want you to know that I am paying attention. Even when I get it wrong. Even when I ask too many questions or not the right ones. Even when I don’t say the thing I meant to say until later.

    Watching you grow is both the greatest joy and the quiet ache of my life. I miss the little versions of you sometimes. And I am in awe of who you are becoming. Both things can be true. They often are.

    To my Matt, my partner in all of this—thank you for standing steady when things felt anything but. For carrying more than your share without keeping score. For loving me through fear and fatigue and healing, even when neither of us knew exactly what the road ahead looked like.

    This year asked more of us than we expected. And still, we showed up. So here is my promise to you—not a loud one, not a perfect one, but a real one.

    I promise to keep choosing presence over perfection. To rest when my body asks instead of pushing through just to prove I can. To listen more than I lecture. To apologize when I get it wrong. To make room for joy without waiting for life to feel easier first.

    I promise to keep loving this family out loud and in the small ways that matter most.

    This new year doesn’t need us to be brand new people. It doesn’t need a reinvention. It just needs us—wiser, softer, still learning. Still trying. Still willing to meet one another where we are.

    We will face unknowns again. We will have hard days. We will laugh until our sides hurt and cry when things feel unfair. We will make messes and memories in equal measure. And when we forget what year it is or what day it is or what comes next, we will remember this:

    We are in this together.

    Always.

    —Mom

  • What This Year Taught Me About Motherhood

    What This Year Taught Me About Motherhood

    This year didn’t arrive with a syllabus.

    There was no orientation, no checklist taped to the fridge that said, Here’s what you’ll learn by December. It just showed up, carrying muddy shoes, half-finished conversations, slammed doors, late-night worries, and quiet, ordinary miracles. And somehow—between packing lunches, negotiating screen time, sitting in the car longer than necessary, and learning how to let go without disappearing—I learned more about motherhood than I have in years.

    Motherhood used to feel loud. Babies are loud. Toddlers are loud. Even young kids announce their needs with urgency and volume and very little subtlety. But this year? This year taught me that motherhood eventually goes quiet. Not absent. Not empty. Just…quieter. The kind of quiet that requires listening between the lines.

    I Learned That I Can’t Mother the Same Way Forever

    This was the year I finally understood that the mother I was when my kids were little cannot be the mother they need now.

    That version of me—the one who anticipated every need, hovered close, fixed problems before they even surfaced—served a purpose. She kept everyone alive. She read the parenting books. She carried snacks like a survivalist and believed that love meant doing.

    But this year taught me that love also means stepping back. Letting them struggle a little – a lot for one. Letting them feel disappointment without rushing in to cushion the blow. Letting silence sit without filling it with questions or advice or well-meaning lectures.

    It turns out that growth—for them and for me—requires a bit of discomfort. A bit of trust. A willingness to loosen my grip and say, I believe you can handle this.

    That was hard. That was holy. That was motherhood evolving.

    I Learned That Showing Up Looks Different Now

    There was a time when “showing up” meant sitting on the floor with blocks, reading the same book twenty times, or kissing scraped knees like it was my full-time job.

    Now, showing up looks like sitting side-by-side without forcing conversation. It looks like watching from the sidelines instead of the front row. It looks like remembering which things matter to them even when I don’t fully understand why they matter so much.

    This year taught me that presence isn’t always visible. Sometimes it’s quiet support. Sometimes it’s biting my tongue. Sometimes it’s choosing connection over correction—especially when everything in me wants to do the opposite.

    Showing up now requires restraint. And restraint, it turns out, takes a surprising amount of strength.

    I Learned That My Kids Are Becoming Themselves—Not Mini Versions of Me

    Somewhere along the way this year, it became very clear: my kids are not extensions of me. They are not mirrors. They are not projects to be perfected.

    They are whole people. Complicated people. People with opinions, preferences, boundaries, contradictions, and dreams that don’t always line up neatly with what I imagined when they were babies sleeping on my chest.

    This year taught me how tempting it is to steer them toward what feels familiar or safe or impressive. And it also taught me how important it is to resist that urge.

    My job is not to shape them into something palatable or impressive to the outside world. My job is to make our home a place where they feel safe becoming who they already are.

    That realization changed the way I speak. The way I listen. The way I apologize when I get it wrong.

    I Learned That Motherhood Is Just as Much About Unlearning as Learning

    This year asked me to unlearn a lot. Unlearn the idea that good mothers never feel tired of mothering. Unlearn the belief that sacrifice always has to hurt. Unlearn the lie that if my kids struggle, I’ve somehow failed.

    I learned to question the voices—both internal and external—that insist motherhood should look a certain way by a certain age. I learned that comparison is still a thief, even when the kids are older and the stakes feel higher.

    Most of all, I learned to unlearn guilt. Guilt for needing space. Guilt for missing who they used to be.
    Guilt for wanting more than survival mode.

    This year taught me that guilt is loud, but wisdom is quieter—and worth listening to.

    I Learned That I Am Allowed to Be a Person, Too

    Somewhere between practices, appointments, school emails, and emotional labor that doesn’t show up on calendars, I realized how easy it is to disappear inside motherhood without meaning to.

    This year taught me that being a good mother does not require erasing myself.

    I am allowed to have interests that don’t revolve around my kids. I am allowed to rest. I am allowed to dream beyond the next drop-off time. I am allowed to reclaim parts of myself that existed before I was “Mom.”

    And—here’s the part that really stuck—I am allowed to model that for my children.

    Because one day, they’ll grow up and love people. And I want them to know that love does not mean self-abandonment.

    I Learned That There Is No Finish Line

    I used to think motherhood had milestones that felt like arrivals. First steps. First day of school. Big celebrations that marked progress.

    This year taught me that motherhood is less about arrival and more about adaptation. Just when I think I’ve figured something out, the ground shifts. Needs change. Conversations deepen. New worries emerge. New joys sneak in unexpectedly.

    There is no version of motherhood where I finally feel done learning. And honestly? That’s kind of beautiful. Because it means there’s always room to grow. To soften. To repair. To begin again tomorrow with a little more grace than yesterday.

    What I’m Carrying Forward

    If this year taught me anything, it’s this: motherhood is not about getting it right—it’s about staying present. Staying curious. Staying open. Staying willing to evolve alongside the people you love most.

    I’m carrying forward patience that’s still a work in progress. A deeper respect for my kids’ inner worlds. And a gentler understanding of myself as a mother who is doing the best she can with what she knows—and learning more every single day.

    This year didn’t give me all the answers. But it gave me perspective. And humility. And a quieter, steadier confidence that says: We’re growing. Together.

    And for this season of motherhood—for this chapter of our family—that feels like enough.

  • Holiday Break with Tweens: A Survival Guide

    Holiday Break with Tweens: A Survival Guide

    Holiday break arrives the way a snowstorm does—quietly anticipated, wildly romanticized, and then suddenly… everyone is home. All day. Every day. Asking what’s for snack five minutes after breakfast and staring at you like you personally invented boredom.

    Welcome to holiday break with tweens.

    This season lives in the messy middle. Our kids are no longer small enough to be dazzled by every craft and cocoa moment, but not quite old enough to manage themselves without supervision, snacks, and the occasional emotional referee. They want freedom and independence but still expect you to locate the charger they were holding two seconds ago.

    So let’s call this what it is: a beautiful, maddening, once-in-a-lifetime stretch of days where memories are made right alongside minor meltdowns. This is not a guide for perfection. This is a guide for survival, sanity, and maybe—if the stars align—some genuine connection.

    Pull on your coziest hoodie. Let’s begin.

    1. Lower the Bar (Then Lower It Again)

    If you go into holiday break imagining matching pajamas, peaceful mornings, and heartfelt conversations by the fire… bless you. Truly. But tweens thrive on unpredictability, mood swings, and dramatic sighs that could win awards.

    The secret? Lower expectations = higher joy.

    Not every day needs to be magical. Some days will be a win if:

    • Everyone eats something with protein
    • No one cries over Wi-Fi
    • You don’t Google “when do kids become independent?”

    Let holiday break be livable, not Pinterest-perfect.

    2. Create a Rhythm, Not a Schedule

    Tweens recoil at the word “schedule,” but they unravel without structure. The compromise? A loose daily rhythm.

    Think:

    • Morning: wake up, eat, move a little
    • Midday: screen time + something productive-ish
    • Afternoon: freedom, friends, or flopping
    • Evening: family time (define loosely)

    Write it on a whiteboard if you want. Or just repeat it like a gentle chant: We eat, we move, we exist, we rest.

    It gives the day shape without suffocation—and gives you fewer “what are we doing today?” questions.

    3. Let Them Be Bored (Yes, Really)

    Boredom feels uncomfortable—for them and for us. But boredom is where creativity sneaks in, usually wearing socks that don’t match.

    When tweens complain they’re bored, resist the urge to fix it immediately. Say something radical like:

    • “That’s okay.”
    • “I’m bored sometimes too.”
    • “Let me know what you come up with.”

    Eventually, boredom turns into card games, weird inventions, music blaring from bedrooms, or elaborate plans you don’t fully understand but pretend to support.

    Boredom is not a parenting failure. It’s a doorway.

    4. Feed Them Constantly (No, Really)

    This is not a metaphor.

    Holiday break turns tweens into grazing animals. If they are cranky, dramatic, or suddenly convinced no one loves them—it’s probably hunger. Or thirst. Or both.

    Stock snacks. Rotate snacks. Pretend you don’t notice how quickly snacks disappear.

    A fed tween is a more reasonable tween. This is science. Probably.

    5. Pick One “Anchor” Activity Per Day

    Not five. Not three. One.

    An anchor activity gives the day a small sense of purpose without overloading anyone. It could be:

    • A movie night
    • Baking something messy
    • A walk around the block
    • A board game (with low expectations for fairness)
    • Running one errand together

    The rest of the day can unfold however it wants. One anchor says, We did something together today, and sometimes that’s enough.

    6. Expect Mood Swings (And Don’t Take Them Personally)

    Tweens are emotional weather systems. Sunny one moment, thunderstorms the next. It’s not about you—even when it feels very personal.

    They’re tired. Growing. Processing everything. Figuring out who they are and how the world works, all while their bodies betray them daily.

    Stay steady. Stay calm. Apologize when needed. Laugh when you can.

    Your consistency is the gift they don’t know they’re receiving.

    7. Sneak in Connection (Don’t Announce It)

    If you announce, “Let’s have a meaningful conversation!” they will scatter like startled deer.

    Connection works better sideways:

    • Sitting together during a show
    • Driving with music on
    • Folding laundry side by side
    • Late-night kitchen chats

    Ask gentle questions. Share stories from your own childhood. Let silence be okay.

    Tweens open up when they don’t feel cornered.

    8. Give Yourself a Break Too

    You are not the cruise director. You are not responsible for every ounce of holiday magic. You are allowed to rest, read, hide in the bathroom, and drink your coffee while it’s still hot (or reheat it five times—still counts).

    Take the pressure off. These days don’t need to be perfect to be meaningful. They just need to be real.

    One day, you’ll miss the noise. The snacks. The dramatic sighs from the couch. Even the boredom.

    But today? Today you’re just getting through it. And that’s more than enough.

    The Quiet Truth

    Holiday break with tweens is not a Hallmark movie. It’s louder. Messier. More honest.

    It’s slammed doors and shared laughter. Eye rolls and unexpected hugs. Independence growing right alongside a need for home.

    You’re not doing it wrong.
    You’re doing it in real life.

    And that, somehow, is where the magic lives—between the chaos and the calm, one snack break at a time.

    You’ve got this.

  • The Silent Nights of Motherhood | Staying Up Wrapping & Worrying About Who They’re Becoming

    The Silent Nights of Motherhood | Staying Up Wrapping & Worrying About Who They’re Becoming

    The house goes quiet in a way it never quite does during the day. Not the noisy quiet—the kind with cartoons humming in the background or a dishwasher sloshing through its last cycle—but the deep, honest quiet. The kind that settles in your bones once everyone else is asleep.

    This is the hour of motherhood no one puts on the brochure.

    The lights are low. The wrapping paper is spread across the island, because somehow I always end up wrapping gifts long after I promised myself I’d do it earlier. Tape sticks to my elbow. Scissors disappear and reappear like magic. The clock says midnight, then one, then how is it already two?

    And in this quiet, my mind wanders.

    I wrap presents with one hand and worry with the other.

    About who they are now. About who they’re becoming. About whether I’m doing any of this right.

    During the day, motherhood is loud and immediate. It’s lunches packed and shoes hunted down. It’s school drop-off and forgotten assignments and questions fired at you rapid-fire. It’s refereeing sibling squabbles and reminding yourself to breathe before responding for the fiftieth time.

    But at night, when the noise fades, the thoughts come out.

    I think about the way Sadie slams doors when emotions get too big. Jase, who internalizes everything, carrying the weight quietly, like it’s their job to keep the world balanced. Henley who leads loudly, fiercely, sometimes stubbornly—already practicing for a future where their voice will need to be strong.

    I wonder if I’ve said enough of the right things. If I’ve said too many of the wrong ones. If they’ll remember the love louder than the rules.

    Motherhood has this funny way of making you feel both incredibly important and painfully unsure at the same time.

    You are shaping humans. Actual future adults. People who will walk into rooms without you someday and make choices you won’t see. People who will love others, break hearts, mess up, apologize, try again. People who will have inner lives you can’t control.

    And somehow, you’re supposed to prepare them for all of that between Algebra tests and football practices.

    The night is when the big questions sneak in.

    Will they be kind when no one is watching? Will they know their worth without needing constant approval? Will they stand up for others—even when it costs them something? Will they come back to us? Not just physically, but emotionally?

    I smooth wrapping paper over a box and think about the moments I missed because I was tired. The times I rushed them when they needed patience. The times I snapped when I should’ve listened.

    Motherhood keeps receipts. But it also keeps grace.

    Because tucked between the worries are memories that show up like small lights in the dark. A hand squeezed during a scary movie. A kid who lingered in the kitchen just to talk. A quiet hug given without being asked. A joke shared that made us both laugh when the day had been heavy.

    Those moments don’t shout. They whisper. And maybe that’s why they show up at night.

    The silent hours are when I realize how much of mothering happens beneath the surface. Not in grand gestures or Instagram-worthy milestones, but in the steady, unremarkable consistency of being there. Of showing up again tomorrow. Of apologizing when you mess up. Of loving them through every version of themselves—even the prickly ones.

    Especially the prickly ones.

    I worry about the world they’re growing into. It feels sharper than the one I knew at their age. Louder. Faster. More demanding. I wonder if I’m equipping them well enough. If home feels like a soft place to land or just another place with expectations.

    I want them to know they don’t have to perform here. That they are loved for who they are, not for what they achieve.

    The tape dispenser clicks loudly in the quiet kitchen, and I pause, listening. All doors are closed. All breathing steady. In their rooms, they are sleeping—unaware of the mental marathons being run on their behalf.

    This is the strange magic of motherhood: loving someone so deeply while knowing you can’t walk every step for them. You can only walk beside them for a while, then slowly—so slowly—learn to let go.

    The nights make that truth impossible to ignore.

    I think about the adults they’ll become. Not their careers or accomplishments, but their character. Will they be gentle with themselves? Will they know when to rest? Will they choose partners and friends who treat them with care?

    And will they remember these nights—not the worrying, but the love behind it?

    I hope they’ll feel it somehow. Like an echo. Like a warmth they can’t quite name but always recognize.

    Motherhood is often measured in years, but it’s lived in moments—many of them quiet, unseen, and uncelebrated. These late-night hours of wrapping and worrying don’t earn gold stars. No one applauds the mental load carried after midnight.

    But they matter.

    They matter because love doesn’t clock out when the kids go to bed. It lingers. It paces. It sits at the table with a roll of wrapping paper and a heart full of hope and fear intertwined.

    Eventually, the gifts get stacked neatly by the tree. The trash is cleared. The lights are turned off one by one. I stand in the hallway for a moment longer than necessary, listening to the quiet again.

    Tomorrow will be loud. Tomorrow will be busy. Tomorrow will ask more of me.

    But tonight, in the silence, I remind myself of this: They don’t need a perfect mother. They need a present one. A trying one. A loving one.

    And if staying up late wrapping gifts and worrying about who they’re becoming is part of the job, then I suppose I’ll keep showing up—tired eyes, hopeful heart, tape stuck to my elbow—trusting that love is doing more work than I realize.

    Even in the quiet.