Fry, Party of Five

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  • For the Five of Us, as the Year Begins

    For the Five of Us, as the Year Begins

    My Loves—

    We are standing at the beginning of a new year, and I want to mark this moment. Not with resolutions or promises we can’t keep, not with a highlight reel or a tidy bow—but with truth. With gratitude. With the quiet kind of love that has carried us when nothing else could.

    This year we are leaving behind was heavy. There is no softer word for it. Heavy with fear, with waiting rooms and whispered conversations, with days that stretched too long and nights that came too quickly. Heavy with the kind of uncertainty that seeps into your bones and makes even ordinary moments feel fragile.

    And yet—here we are. Still five. Still together. Still standing.

    There was healing here, too. Not the fast, miraculous kind people like to talk about, but the slow, stubborn kind. The kind that asks for patience and rest and courage you didn’t know you had. Healing that didn’t always look like progress, but was happening anyway. Quietly. Faithfully.

    Our life remained chaotic, because of course it did. Schedules collided. Shoes went missing. Voices were raised. Laundry multiplied like it had a personal vendetta. Some days felt like survival dressed up as routine. Ordinary, exhausting days that didn’t ask for permission before piling on.

    And still—there was beauty.

    The kind that sneaks in sideways. Laughter in the kitchen booth. A hand held a little longer than necessary. The way our house felt lived-in, not perfect. The way love showed up, even when we were tired and scared and unsure of what came next.

    We survived last year. And that counts for more than we’ll ever fully name. As we step into this new one, I want you to know what I’m carrying forward with me.

    I want more patience—with myself, with you, with this season of becoming we’re all in. I want more laughter, even when it feels easier to be quiet. More presence. More softness. More courage to stay when things feel uncomfortable instead of rushing past them.

    I want less rushing, even when the calendar begs for it. Less snapping, less trying to do everything right all at once. Less believing the lie that we have to have it all figured out to be doing okay. Less burnout disguised as responsibility.

    I know we won’t magically achieve all of this. I know we’ll forget. I know there will be days when we fall back into old patterns, when grace feels harder to reach than frustration. But wanting these things matters. Naming them matters.

    And to you—my almost-thirteen-year-olds—standing on the edge of something big and strange and new.

    I see how you are changing. How you pull away and come back. How you want independence and reassurance in the same breath. How your world feels louder, heavier, more complicated than it did even a year ago.

    I want you to know that I am paying attention. Even when I get it wrong. Even when I ask too many questions or not the right ones. Even when I don’t say the thing I meant to say until later.

    Watching you grow is both the greatest joy and the quiet ache of my life. I miss the little versions of you sometimes. And I am in awe of who you are becoming. Both things can be true. They often are.

    To my Matt, my partner in all of this—thank you for standing steady when things felt anything but. For carrying more than your share without keeping score. For loving me through fear and fatigue and healing, even when neither of us knew exactly what the road ahead looked like.

    This year asked more of us than we expected. And still, we showed up. So here is my promise to you—not a loud one, not a perfect one, but a real one.

    I promise to keep choosing presence over perfection. To rest when my body asks instead of pushing through just to prove I can. To listen more than I lecture. To apologize when I get it wrong. To make room for joy without waiting for life to feel easier first.

    I promise to keep loving this family out loud and in the small ways that matter most.

    This new year doesn’t need us to be brand new people. It doesn’t need a reinvention. It just needs us—wiser, softer, still learning. Still trying. Still willing to meet one another where we are.

    We will face unknowns again. We will have hard days. We will laugh until our sides hurt and cry when things feel unfair. We will make messes and memories in equal measure. And when we forget what year it is or what day it is or what comes next, we will remember this:

    We are in this together.

    Always.

    —Mom

  • What This Year Taught Me About Motherhood

    What This Year Taught Me About Motherhood

    This year didn’t arrive with a syllabus.

    There was no orientation, no checklist taped to the fridge that said, Here’s what you’ll learn by December. It just showed up, carrying muddy shoes, half-finished conversations, slammed doors, late-night worries, and quiet, ordinary miracles. And somehow—between packing lunches, negotiating screen time, sitting in the car longer than necessary, and learning how to let go without disappearing—I learned more about motherhood than I have in years.

    Motherhood used to feel loud. Babies are loud. Toddlers are loud. Even young kids announce their needs with urgency and volume and very little subtlety. But this year? This year taught me that motherhood eventually goes quiet. Not absent. Not empty. Just…quieter. The kind of quiet that requires listening between the lines.

    I Learned That I Can’t Mother the Same Way Forever

    This was the year I finally understood that the mother I was when my kids were little cannot be the mother they need now.

    That version of me—the one who anticipated every need, hovered close, fixed problems before they even surfaced—served a purpose. She kept everyone alive. She read the parenting books. She carried snacks like a survivalist and believed that love meant doing.

    But this year taught me that love also means stepping back. Letting them struggle a little – a lot for one. Letting them feel disappointment without rushing in to cushion the blow. Letting silence sit without filling it with questions or advice or well-meaning lectures.

    It turns out that growth—for them and for me—requires a bit of discomfort. A bit of trust. A willingness to loosen my grip and say, I believe you can handle this.

    That was hard. That was holy. That was motherhood evolving.

    I Learned That Showing Up Looks Different Now

    There was a time when “showing up” meant sitting on the floor with blocks, reading the same book twenty times, or kissing scraped knees like it was my full-time job.

    Now, showing up looks like sitting side-by-side without forcing conversation. It looks like watching from the sidelines instead of the front row. It looks like remembering which things matter to them even when I don’t fully understand why they matter so much.

    This year taught me that presence isn’t always visible. Sometimes it’s quiet support. Sometimes it’s biting my tongue. Sometimes it’s choosing connection over correction—especially when everything in me wants to do the opposite.

    Showing up now requires restraint. And restraint, it turns out, takes a surprising amount of strength.

    I Learned That My Kids Are Becoming Themselves—Not Mini Versions of Me

    Somewhere along the way this year, it became very clear: my kids are not extensions of me. They are not mirrors. They are not projects to be perfected.

    They are whole people. Complicated people. People with opinions, preferences, boundaries, contradictions, and dreams that don’t always line up neatly with what I imagined when they were babies sleeping on my chest.

    This year taught me how tempting it is to steer them toward what feels familiar or safe or impressive. And it also taught me how important it is to resist that urge.

    My job is not to shape them into something palatable or impressive to the outside world. My job is to make our home a place where they feel safe becoming who they already are.

    That realization changed the way I speak. The way I listen. The way I apologize when I get it wrong.

    I Learned That Motherhood Is Just as Much About Unlearning as Learning

    This year asked me to unlearn a lot. Unlearn the idea that good mothers never feel tired of mothering. Unlearn the belief that sacrifice always has to hurt. Unlearn the lie that if my kids struggle, I’ve somehow failed.

    I learned to question the voices—both internal and external—that insist motherhood should look a certain way by a certain age. I learned that comparison is still a thief, even when the kids are older and the stakes feel higher.

    Most of all, I learned to unlearn guilt. Guilt for needing space. Guilt for missing who they used to be.
    Guilt for wanting more than survival mode.

    This year taught me that guilt is loud, but wisdom is quieter—and worth listening to.

    I Learned That I Am Allowed to Be a Person, Too

    Somewhere between practices, appointments, school emails, and emotional labor that doesn’t show up on calendars, I realized how easy it is to disappear inside motherhood without meaning to.

    This year taught me that being a good mother does not require erasing myself.

    I am allowed to have interests that don’t revolve around my kids. I am allowed to rest. I am allowed to dream beyond the next drop-off time. I am allowed to reclaim parts of myself that existed before I was “Mom.”

    And—here’s the part that really stuck—I am allowed to model that for my children.

    Because one day, they’ll grow up and love people. And I want them to know that love does not mean self-abandonment.

    I Learned That There Is No Finish Line

    I used to think motherhood had milestones that felt like arrivals. First steps. First day of school. Big celebrations that marked progress.

    This year taught me that motherhood is less about arrival and more about adaptation. Just when I think I’ve figured something out, the ground shifts. Needs change. Conversations deepen. New worries emerge. New joys sneak in unexpectedly.

    There is no version of motherhood where I finally feel done learning. And honestly? That’s kind of beautiful. Because it means there’s always room to grow. To soften. To repair. To begin again tomorrow with a little more grace than yesterday.

    What I’m Carrying Forward

    If this year taught me anything, it’s this: motherhood is not about getting it right—it’s about staying present. Staying curious. Staying open. Staying willing to evolve alongside the people you love most.

    I’m carrying forward patience that’s still a work in progress. A deeper respect for my kids’ inner worlds. And a gentler understanding of myself as a mother who is doing the best she can with what she knows—and learning more every single day.

    This year didn’t give me all the answers. But it gave me perspective. And humility. And a quieter, steadier confidence that says: We’re growing. Together.

    And for this season of motherhood—for this chapter of our family—that feels like enough.

  • Holiday Break with Tweens: A Survival Guide

    Holiday Break with Tweens: A Survival Guide

    Holiday break arrives the way a snowstorm does—quietly anticipated, wildly romanticized, and then suddenly… everyone is home. All day. Every day. Asking what’s for snack five minutes after breakfast and staring at you like you personally invented boredom.

    Welcome to holiday break with tweens.

    This season lives in the messy middle. Our kids are no longer small enough to be dazzled by every craft and cocoa moment, but not quite old enough to manage themselves without supervision, snacks, and the occasional emotional referee. They want freedom and independence but still expect you to locate the charger they were holding two seconds ago.

    So let’s call this what it is: a beautiful, maddening, once-in-a-lifetime stretch of days where memories are made right alongside minor meltdowns. This is not a guide for perfection. This is a guide for survival, sanity, and maybe—if the stars align—some genuine connection.

    Pull on your coziest hoodie. Let’s begin.

    1. Lower the Bar (Then Lower It Again)

    If you go into holiday break imagining matching pajamas, peaceful mornings, and heartfelt conversations by the fire… bless you. Truly. But tweens thrive on unpredictability, mood swings, and dramatic sighs that could win awards.

    The secret? Lower expectations = higher joy.

    Not every day needs to be magical. Some days will be a win if:

    • Everyone eats something with protein
    • No one cries over Wi-Fi
    • You don’t Google “when do kids become independent?”

    Let holiday break be livable, not Pinterest-perfect.

    2. Create a Rhythm, Not a Schedule

    Tweens recoil at the word “schedule,” but they unravel without structure. The compromise? A loose daily rhythm.

    Think:

    • Morning: wake up, eat, move a little
    • Midday: screen time + something productive-ish
    • Afternoon: freedom, friends, or flopping
    • Evening: family time (define loosely)

    Write it on a whiteboard if you want. Or just repeat it like a gentle chant: We eat, we move, we exist, we rest.

    It gives the day shape without suffocation—and gives you fewer “what are we doing today?” questions.

    3. Let Them Be Bored (Yes, Really)

    Boredom feels uncomfortable—for them and for us. But boredom is where creativity sneaks in, usually wearing socks that don’t match.

    When tweens complain they’re bored, resist the urge to fix it immediately. Say something radical like:

    • “That’s okay.”
    • “I’m bored sometimes too.”
    • “Let me know what you come up with.”

    Eventually, boredom turns into card games, weird inventions, music blaring from bedrooms, or elaborate plans you don’t fully understand but pretend to support.

    Boredom is not a parenting failure. It’s a doorway.

    4. Feed Them Constantly (No, Really)

    This is not a metaphor.

    Holiday break turns tweens into grazing animals. If they are cranky, dramatic, or suddenly convinced no one loves them—it’s probably hunger. Or thirst. Or both.

    Stock snacks. Rotate snacks. Pretend you don’t notice how quickly snacks disappear.

    A fed tween is a more reasonable tween. This is science. Probably.

    5. Pick One “Anchor” Activity Per Day

    Not five. Not three. One.

    An anchor activity gives the day a small sense of purpose without overloading anyone. It could be:

    • A movie night
    • Baking something messy
    • A walk around the block
    • A board game (with low expectations for fairness)
    • Running one errand together

    The rest of the day can unfold however it wants. One anchor says, We did something together today, and sometimes that’s enough.

    6. Expect Mood Swings (And Don’t Take Them Personally)

    Tweens are emotional weather systems. Sunny one moment, thunderstorms the next. It’s not about you—even when it feels very personal.

    They’re tired. Growing. Processing everything. Figuring out who they are and how the world works, all while their bodies betray them daily.

    Stay steady. Stay calm. Apologize when needed. Laugh when you can.

    Your consistency is the gift they don’t know they’re receiving.

    7. Sneak in Connection (Don’t Announce It)

    If you announce, “Let’s have a meaningful conversation!” they will scatter like startled deer.

    Connection works better sideways:

    • Sitting together during a show
    • Driving with music on
    • Folding laundry side by side
    • Late-night kitchen chats

    Ask gentle questions. Share stories from your own childhood. Let silence be okay.

    Tweens open up when they don’t feel cornered.

    8. Give Yourself a Break Too

    You are not the cruise director. You are not responsible for every ounce of holiday magic. You are allowed to rest, read, hide in the bathroom, and drink your coffee while it’s still hot (or reheat it five times—still counts).

    Take the pressure off. These days don’t need to be perfect to be meaningful. They just need to be real.

    One day, you’ll miss the noise. The snacks. The dramatic sighs from the couch. Even the boredom.

    But today? Today you’re just getting through it. And that’s more than enough.

    The Quiet Truth

    Holiday break with tweens is not a Hallmark movie. It’s louder. Messier. More honest.

    It’s slammed doors and shared laughter. Eye rolls and unexpected hugs. Independence growing right alongside a need for home.

    You’re not doing it wrong.
    You’re doing it in real life.

    And that, somehow, is where the magic lives—between the chaos and the calm, one snack break at a time.

    You’ve got this.

  • The Silent Nights of Motherhood | Staying Up Wrapping & Worrying About Who They’re Becoming

    The Silent Nights of Motherhood | Staying Up Wrapping & Worrying About Who They’re Becoming

    The house goes quiet in a way it never quite does during the day. Not the noisy quiet—the kind with cartoons humming in the background or a dishwasher sloshing through its last cycle—but the deep, honest quiet. The kind that settles in your bones once everyone else is asleep.

    This is the hour of motherhood no one puts on the brochure.

    The lights are low. The wrapping paper is spread across the island, because somehow I always end up wrapping gifts long after I promised myself I’d do it earlier. Tape sticks to my elbow. Scissors disappear and reappear like magic. The clock says midnight, then one, then how is it already two?

    And in this quiet, my mind wanders.

    I wrap presents with one hand and worry with the other.

    About who they are now. About who they’re becoming. About whether I’m doing any of this right.

    During the day, motherhood is loud and immediate. It’s lunches packed and shoes hunted down. It’s school drop-off and forgotten assignments and questions fired at you rapid-fire. It’s refereeing sibling squabbles and reminding yourself to breathe before responding for the fiftieth time.

    But at night, when the noise fades, the thoughts come out.

    I think about the way Sadie slams doors when emotions get too big. Jase, who internalizes everything, carrying the weight quietly, like it’s their job to keep the world balanced. Henley who leads loudly, fiercely, sometimes stubbornly—already practicing for a future where their voice will need to be strong.

    I wonder if I’ve said enough of the right things. If I’ve said too many of the wrong ones. If they’ll remember the love louder than the rules.

    Motherhood has this funny way of making you feel both incredibly important and painfully unsure at the same time.

    You are shaping humans. Actual future adults. People who will walk into rooms without you someday and make choices you won’t see. People who will love others, break hearts, mess up, apologize, try again. People who will have inner lives you can’t control.

    And somehow, you’re supposed to prepare them for all of that between Algebra tests and football practices.

    The night is when the big questions sneak in.

    Will they be kind when no one is watching? Will they know their worth without needing constant approval? Will they stand up for others—even when it costs them something? Will they come back to us? Not just physically, but emotionally?

    I smooth wrapping paper over a box and think about the moments I missed because I was tired. The times I rushed them when they needed patience. The times I snapped when I should’ve listened.

    Motherhood keeps receipts. But it also keeps grace.

    Because tucked between the worries are memories that show up like small lights in the dark. A hand squeezed during a scary movie. A kid who lingered in the kitchen just to talk. A quiet hug given without being asked. A joke shared that made us both laugh when the day had been heavy.

    Those moments don’t shout. They whisper. And maybe that’s why they show up at night.

    The silent hours are when I realize how much of mothering happens beneath the surface. Not in grand gestures or Instagram-worthy milestones, but in the steady, unremarkable consistency of being there. Of showing up again tomorrow. Of apologizing when you mess up. Of loving them through every version of themselves—even the prickly ones.

    Especially the prickly ones.

    I worry about the world they’re growing into. It feels sharper than the one I knew at their age. Louder. Faster. More demanding. I wonder if I’m equipping them well enough. If home feels like a soft place to land or just another place with expectations.

    I want them to know they don’t have to perform here. That they are loved for who they are, not for what they achieve.

    The tape dispenser clicks loudly in the quiet kitchen, and I pause, listening. All doors are closed. All breathing steady. In their rooms, they are sleeping—unaware of the mental marathons being run on their behalf.

    This is the strange magic of motherhood: loving someone so deeply while knowing you can’t walk every step for them. You can only walk beside them for a while, then slowly—so slowly—learn to let go.

    The nights make that truth impossible to ignore.

    I think about the adults they’ll become. Not their careers or accomplishments, but their character. Will they be gentle with themselves? Will they know when to rest? Will they choose partners and friends who treat them with care?

    And will they remember these nights—not the worrying, but the love behind it?

    I hope they’ll feel it somehow. Like an echo. Like a warmth they can’t quite name but always recognize.

    Motherhood is often measured in years, but it’s lived in moments—many of them quiet, unseen, and uncelebrated. These late-night hours of wrapping and worrying don’t earn gold stars. No one applauds the mental load carried after midnight.

    But they matter.

    They matter because love doesn’t clock out when the kids go to bed. It lingers. It paces. It sits at the table with a roll of wrapping paper and a heart full of hope and fear intertwined.

    Eventually, the gifts get stacked neatly by the tree. The trash is cleared. The lights are turned off one by one. I stand in the hallway for a moment longer than necessary, listening to the quiet again.

    Tomorrow will be loud. Tomorrow will be busy. Tomorrow will ask more of me.

    But tonight, in the silence, I remind myself of this: They don’t need a perfect mother. They need a present one. A trying one. A loving one.

    And if staying up late wrapping gifts and worrying about who they’re becoming is part of the job, then I suppose I’ll keep showing up—tired eyes, hopeful heart, tape stuck to my elbow—trusting that love is doing more work than I realize.

    Even in the quiet.

  • How to Handle Holiday Overstimulation (For Kids and Grownups)

    How to Handle Holiday Overstimulation (For Kids and Grownups)

    The holidays arrive dressed like a Hallmark movie—twinkle lights, cinnamon in the air, the promise of magic glittering around the edges. And yet, if we’re honest, December can also feel like trying to drink joy from a firehose. It’s noise-meets-chaos, sugar-meets-expectations, a thousand tiny pressures humming like fluorescent lights.

    For kids and grownups, overstimulation is practically baked into the season—like the world went and put glitter in everything, including the things that didn’t ask for it. But overstimulation doesn’t mean we’re doing the holidays wrong. It just means we’re human.

    In our home—Fry, Party of Five—December joy and December overload walk hand-in-hand. Our tweens get swept up in the excitement… until suddenly they’re not okay. And to be fair, the adults aren’t always okay either. So here’s a gentle, old-fashioned-meets-modern guide for noticing the overwhelm and shepherding everyone (big and small) back to center.

    The Season of Too Much

    There’s something about the holidays that magnifies everything: sounds, smells, feelings, schedules, expectations.

    Kids feel it in their bodies—jangly energy from a week of class parties, too many treats, or being “on display” for family gatherings. Adults feel it in their minds—too many tasks, too little quiet, and that nostalgic longing for a Christmas that may never have existed but was always softer in our memory.

    Overstimulation shows up as:

    • A normally chill kid suddenly melting down over the wrong color plate
    • A tween who retreats to their room and slams the door
    • A grownup who gets snappy because the holiday ham won’t fit in the pan
    • A body that’s tired but wired
    • A heart that wants peace but keeps tripping over pressure

    If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. This is the universal December experience. It’s not a failure—it’s simply too much input for one human nervous system to process at once.

    Start With Awareness (The Quiet Middle Space)

    Holiday overstimulation doesn’t announce itself politely. It sneaks in. A little tension in your shoulders. A kid who suddenly seems “too much.” A nagging sense that something is just… off.

    The best gift you can give your family—tweens included—is learning to catch it early.
    Ask yourself (and your kids):

    • How does my body feel right now?
    • Do I need quiet or connection?
    • Is this a big feeling or a big environment?

    We can’t remove all the stimulation—nor would we want to. But we can help everyone find that quiet middle space between excitement and overwhelm.

    Create a Calm-Down Plan Before the Chaos Hits

    Think of it as your holiday emergency kit—less batteries and Band-Aids, more peace and permission.

    1. Make a Family Code Word

    Something light and funny—“snowglobe,” “gumdrop,” “candy cane meltdown approaching.”
    When someone says it, it means:
    I need a moment. Please don’t make me explain it.
    This one strategy alone can diffuse 80% of holiday tension.

    2. Build Mini Escape Routes

    Create simple ways for everyone to catch their breath:

    • A few minutes alone in the car
    • A quick walk outside
    • Noise-canceling headphones
    • Ten minutes in a bedroom or hallway nook
    • “Bathroom breaks” that are really nervous-system resets

    Normalize stepping away—not as a punishment or drama, but as a wise, gentle choice.

    3. Agree on Boundaries in Advance

    Kids thrive when they know what to expect.
    Adults thrive when they also know what to expect.

    Talk through things like:

    • How long you’ll stay at gatherings
    • Which events are optional
    • How many sweets the kids can have
    • What behavior is expected when everyone is tired

    Not as rigid rules, but as shared family rhythms.

    Honor Your Kids’ Sensory Needs (Especially the Tweens)

    Tweens are a special brand of sensitive—half kid, half grown. They’re old enough to understand their feelings, but young enough to be completely overtaken by them.

    Holiday overstimulation often hits tweens hardest because:

    • They’re navigating big social expectations
    • They’re hyper-aware of themselves
    • They’re exhausted from school
    • They’re growing like wildflowers after a rainstorm

    Give them room to be human.

    Let them take breaks without commentary.

    A tween slipping off to a quiet bedroom isn’t being rude—they’re managing their bandwidth.

    Offer choices instead of orders.

    “Do you want to greet everyone now, or take a second to warm up?”
    This respects their agency—vital for kids in the in-between years.

    Protect their need for routine.

    Even a tiny anchor—like a morning cocoa ritual or bedtime check-in—keeps holiday chaos from sweeping them away.

    And above all: don’t take their mood personally.

    Overstimulation can turn even the sweetest kids prickly.
    It’s not disrespect. It’s dysregulation.

    Parents Get Overstimulated, Too (Even If We Pretend We Don’t)

    The holidays can turn grownups into overstimulated toddlers in nice sweaters. We’re running, planning, cooking, wrapping, organizing, refereeing, coordinating, smiling, hosting, and trying to create magic from thin air.

    No wonder we hit our limit.

    Give yourself permission to:

    • Step away from the noise
    • Say no to one more event
    • Serve simpler meals
    • Leave the wrapping for tomorrow
    • Ignore the elf-on-the-shelf peer pressure
    • Let the house be lived in rather than Pinterest-ready

    Your kids don’t need a perfect Christmas. They need a peaceful parent. Or at least a parent who knows how to take a time-out without guilt.

    Build Quiet Into the Holiday Rhythm

    There is ancient wisdom in slowing down. Our grandparents—quiet, steady, practical people—understood the value of resting during winter.

    So reclaim that tradition.
    Create homespun pockets of quiet:

    • Turn off the overhead lights and bask in the glow of lamps and twinkle lights
    • Listen to old Christmas records
    • Drink something warm and simple
    • Have “silent nights” where everyone does their own cozy thing
    • Take drives to see lights with the music soft

    Quiet is not the opposite of joy. Quiet is the cradle that holds it.

    The Beauty of a Gentle Exit

    Sometimes the best way to prevent overstimulation is to leave while everyone is still doing okay.

    Holiday gatherings have a natural arc:
    Excitement → Peak Fun → Slight Chaos → Emotional Landslide

    Your goal? Exit somewhere between Peak Fun and Slight Chaos. Give your kids the out. Give yourself the out. Let it be graceful, not guilty.

    Teach Everyone the Art of Grounding

    Grounding brings the mind back when stimulation pulls it away. It’s useful for kids and adults.

    1. Five Senses Check

    Ask your child (or yourself):

    • Name 5 things you can see
    • Name 4 things you can feel
    • Name 3 things you can hear
    • Name 2 things you can smell
    • Name 1 thing you can taste

    It resets the whole system.

    2. Heavy Work

    This is magic for the nervous system, especially for overstimulated kids:

    • Carrying a bag of laundry
    • Pushing a door
    • Stretching
    • Squeezing playdough
    • Wrapping up in a heavy blanket

    It tells the body, “You are safe.”

    3. Breath Work for Real Humans

    Not fancy yoga breaths.
    Just: In for four, out for six.
    Long exhales calm the brain faster than any pep talk.

    Remember the Real Point

    The holidays aren’t a performance. They’re not a checklist of traditions. They’re not a Pinterest board come to life.

    They are a deeply human season, full of beauty and noise, imperfections and memories, magical moments and messy ones.

    Overstimulation isn’t a sign that you’re doing it wrong. It’s a sign that you’re alive in a season that asks a lot of you.

    So give everyone grace. Give yourself grace. And let this be the year your family honors both the sparkle and the stillness.

    After all, the best holiday memories aren’t born from the loudest moments—but from the quiet ones that glow long after the season fades.

  • The Tween Gift Guide No One Asked For (But Everyone Needs)

    The Tween Gift Guide No One Asked For (But Everyone Needs)

    There comes a moment in every parent’s life—usually sometime between your child rolling their eyes so dramatically you fear injury and them insisting you “just don’t get it”—when you realize you have no earthly idea what a tween wants for Christmas.

    Or a birthday.
    Or a random Tuesday.
    Or ever.

    Welcome to the land of the Almost Teen, where moods change faster than Wi-Fi signals in an old house and their taste in… well, everything… evolves at the speed of one viral TikTok per minute.

    And yet, despite the mystery and the occasional melodrama (looking at you, Sadie), these almost-grown, not-quite-little kids are still ours. Still soft around the edges. Still secretly hoping for magic, even if they’ll never admit it out loud.

    So here it is: The Tween Gift Guide No One Asked For (But Everyone Needs).

    A guide born from the trenches. Curated by a mom who loves comfort clothes, good coffee, and the occasional “why is there a basketball inside the dryer?” mystery. A guide shaped by three tweens—each their own brand of wonderful chaos—who have taught me that the tween years are wild, dramatic, hilarious, and full of heart.

    Pull up a cozy blanket. Let’s shop.

    1. The Fashion That’s Not Cool Today (But Might Be Tomorrow)

    Tweens are fashion chameleons. One day they want matching pajamas and a cozy flannel. The next day they want oversized hoodies in colors you’d swear were invented last week. Then, inexplicably, they want a vintage tee from a band they’ve never heard because the internet declared it aesthetic.

    Gift Them:

    • Graphic hoodies (the moodier, the better)
    • Soft joggers (they’ll wear them for three days straight—just accept it)
    • Beanies (bonus points if it hides a questionable hair day)
    • Fun socks (because apparently socks are cool now?)

    Fashion for tweens isn’t just clothing. It’s armor. It helps them say “this is who I am today,” even if who they are tomorrow is something else entirely.

    2. Books That Meet Them Where They Are

    Listen, the tween brain is a magical snow globe of emotions—sometimes shaken, sometimes serene. Books can be a grounding force. A refuge. A place where they find new ideas, new worlds, and themselves.

    Gift Them:

    • Graphic novels (the quickest way to pull in hesitant readers)
    • Adventure series (Percy Jackson is practically a rite of passage)
    • Cozy mysteries (when they want something gentle but gripping)
    • Fact books about space, sports stats, weird science, or animals—especially if you have a Jase-type who casually drops trivia at dinner like he’s hosting a documentary

    Books give them something screens can’t: quiet curiosity. And goodness, do tweens need some quiet.

    3. Tech That Makes You Feel Old (But Makes Them Very Happy)

    Tween tech is a world where you are forever behind. They know trends before you know the trend has a name. They know games you didn’t know existed. They know YouTubers who appear to be twelve but somehow own mansions.

    But tech can be a wonderful gift, especially when it’s creative, social, or skill-building.

    Gift Them:

    • Wireless earbuds (they WILL lose them; buy the cheaper ones)
    • LED lights for the bedroom (because ambiance is everything)
    • A Bluetooth speaker so they can blast Taylor Swift or football hype playlists
    • A digital drawing tablet for the artsy kid
    • A gaming headset for the one who needs to holler at their friends while you pretend not to listen

    They will, at some point, talk to their devices more than they talk to you. Breathe. This too is tweenhood.

    4. Sports Gear They’ll Actually Use

    Sports tweens are easy, right? Wrong. They are wonderfully picky. They love what they love—and when they love it, they love it with their entire soul.

    And if you’re raising a Jase-type athlete, you already know: he will 100% notice the difference between “the right glove” and “a glove.”

    Gift Them:

    • Team gear (bonus points if it’s their favorite college team)
    • New basketballs or footballs (they disappear like Tupperware lids)
    • Training aids (speed ladders, cones, ball returns)
    • Sports merch (jerseys, posters, room décor)

    Sports kids are easy to shop for once you’ve accepted that a pile of sports equipment in the garage is the décor now.

    5. Creative Kits for the Kid Who Makes Art Out of Everything

    Some tweens doodle on their homework. Some build elaborate worlds out of clay. Some choreograph dances in the hallway. Some—like Henley—turn the entire living room into an impromptu stage without warning.

    Creativity is a beautiful thing to nurture.

    Gift Them:

    Give them supplies and watch the magic happen. (Also: prepare for glitter. So much glitter.)

    6. Experiences They’ll Remember Longer Than Any Toy

    Tweens may seem hard to impress, but deep down they still crave wonder. They still light up when you hand them memories instead of things.

    Gift Them:

    • Tickets to a basketball game
    • A small getaway or hotel night
    • A pottery or painting class
    • A day trip to a museum, trampoline park, or indoor climbing gym
    • A coupon book that includes a special “just us” meal somewhere slightly fancier than usual

    Time is the treasure. Give them an experience and you’ll see a softness in them that reminds you of their younger days—the ones slipping farther behind you with each passing year.

    7. Cozy Things for Their Growing Need to Cocoon

    Tweens love their rooms. The room is the kingdom. The room is the sanctuary. The room is the fortress from siblings, schoolwork, and your entirely unreasonable request that they unload the dishwasher.

    Help them build a cozy little world.

    Gift Them:

    • Plush blankets
    • Fuzzy throw pillows
    • A little lamp with warm light
    • A bean bag chair
    • Slippers they’ll shuffle around the house in

    You may not see them for hours at a time. Knock politely. Respect the tween lair.

    8. Games That Keep Them Off Screens (At Least for One Evening)

    The secret to a good board game is simply this: something that makes them laugh, compete, and come out of their shells a bit.

    Gift Them:

    • Exploding Kittens
    • Throw Throw Burrito
    • Catan Junior
    • Uno Flip
    • Spot It (yes, even tweens secretly like it)

    Moments of connection tucked between jokes, tiny victories, and the joy of saying, “No phones during game night.” They may groan, but they also lean in.

    9. The Gifts That Speak to Who They Are Becoming

    This is where gift-giving gets tender. Tweens are stretching. Searching. Figuring out who they are—who they want to be. A thoughtful gift can whisper: I see you. I love who you’re becoming.

    Gift Ideas:

    • Daily devotionals or mindfulness journals
    • Water bottles or gym bags that feel grown-up
    • A nice watch that says “you’re responsible enough for this”
    • A necklace or bracelet with a subtle charm
    • A room sign that declares their personality

    For your sensitive kid, the anxious one, the dramatic one, the sporty one—these gifts speak louder than wrapping paper ever could.

    10. And Finally: The Things Money Can’t Buy

    Tween gifts aren’t always tangible. Some of the most meaningful ones take no space at all.

    Give Them:

    • A little extra patience
    • A little extra praise
    • A seat at the adult table when they’re ready
    • A listening ear
    • A soft landing

    Our tweens will outgrow us before we’re ready. They’ll roll their eyes, then lean against us on the couch. They’ll argue, then ask us to watch a movie with them. They’ll grow, and grow, and grow—and still be our babies in the quiet moments.

    Give them good gifts.
    Give them small joys.
    Give them memories and gentleness and grace.

    The tween years aren’t easy—bless it all—but they are sacred in their own messy way. And if we can make these in-between years feel even a little bit softer for them?

    Well. That’s the kind of gift guide we all need.

  • Thanksgiving Break Survival Guide for Parents of Tweens

    Thanksgiving Break Survival Guide for Parents of Tweens

    Thanksgiving break: the magical time when school screeches to a halt, turkey takes center stage, and your tweens remind you why teachers deserve hazard pay. While Pinterest shows us candlelit tablescapes with acorn garlands, what we actually get is five full days of “I’m bored,” sticky pumpkin pie residue on the counter, and the eternal fight over who gets the last crescent roll.

    But fear not, weary parents of tweens. I’ve put together the ultimate Thanksgiving Break Survival Guide—a mash-up of humor, hard-earned wisdom, and “helpful” tips that will get you through the holiday without losing your sanity or eating your feelings (okay, maybe a little of both).

    Tip 1: Lower Your Expectations (and Then Lower Them Again)

    If you go into Thanksgiving week imagining The Waltons meets Martha Stewart Living, you’ll be crushed by day two. Tweens do not frolic in the leaves wearing plaid scarves and woolen hats. They sulk, they scroll, and they only emerge from their caves for food or Wi-Fi password resets.

    So here’s the trick: lower your bar so much it’s practically underground. A successful break is not “family bonding over gratitude journaling.” A successful break is “no one cried in the mashed potatoes.”

    Tip 2: Stock Up Like It’s the Apocalypse

    Tweens eat like they’ve just returned from a three-year trek across the desert. The pantry you thoughtfully filled last weekend? Empty by Monday. The gallon of milk? Gone in one sitting, poured into bowls of cereal that will be abandoned mid-bite because “it got soggy.”

    My advice: shop like you’re prepping for a zombie invasion. Buy three times as many snacks as you think you’ll need. Hide the good stuff (the chocolate, the kettle chips, the sparkling water you bought for you) in an undisclosed location. Pro tip: behind the cleaning supplies—no tween has ever voluntarily touched Windex.

    Tip 3: Pretend Screen Time Rules Don’t Exist

    Normally, you’re a parent of principle. Two hours of screen time a day, no phones at the table, yada yada. But Thanksgiving break is different. Those rules? Consider them decorative suggestions, like the “suggested serving size” on the pie box.

    This week, the iPad is your co-parent. YouTube is your babysitter. And if Roblox gives you an uninterrupted 45 minutes to chop vegetables in peace, consider it a holiday blessing.

    Tip 4: Create a “Tween Entertainment List” (and Then Watch Them Ignore It)

    Every year I make a noble attempt at crafting a wholesome list of activities: board games, baking cookies, family walks, DIY crafts. And every year, my tweens glance at it, roll their eyes, and mutter, “meh.”

    Still, make the list. Tape it to the fridge. Call it your “Plan B for Boredom.” Because once in a blue moon, one of them might actually say yes. And when they do, you’ll have the supplies ready to go and can snap one (1) carefully curated photo for social media proof that your family does things together.

    Tip 5: Weaponize Gratitude

    Thanksgiving is about giving thanks, right? Here’s a secret: tweens love to complain, but they hate being caught in it. At the dinner table, make everyone share one thing they’re grateful for. Then, in true parental fashion, circle back when they whine later.

    “Oh, you’re bored? Interesting. Just twenty minutes ago you said you were grateful for family time. Let’s lean into that, shall we?”

    It’s not manipulative—it’s tradition.

    Tip 6: The Cousin Factor

    If your Thanksgiving involves extended family, beware: cousin dynamics can either save or ruin you. Tweens + cousins = 70% chance of disappearing for hours in the basement (praise be), 30% chance of a WWE smackdown in the living room.

    Here’s how you manage it:

    • Encourage the basement option. Out of sight, out of mind.
    • Intervene early. If you hear the phrase “bet you won’t,” just assume ER copayments are in your future.
    • Use Nana as a buffer. Tweens will ignore you, but they’ll simmer down when Nana yells. It’s a sacred law.

    Tip 7: The Great Pie Debate

    Pumpkin pie? Pecan pie? Apple pie? Your tweens will loudly announce that they “don’t like any of it” and then promptly inhale half a can of whipped cream straight from the nozzle.

    Do not fight this battle. Save the pies for the adults. Hand your tween a plate of Cool Whip and call it a day.

    Tip 8: Outsource Whenever Possible

    Thanksgiving survival is about strategy, not martyrdom. Let your tweens set the table (yes, with mismatched forks). Put them on dog-walking duty. Let them peel potatoes while you sip coffee and supervise like a queen.

    If Uncle Casey offers to take them on a “fun hike,” say yes before he finishes the sentence. They’ll complain the entire way, but that’s his problem now.

    Tip 9: Family Photos—Choose Your Battles

    We all want the perfect family photo: fall leaves, coordinated outfits, everyone smiling like a Hallmark card. Here’s the reality: your tween will show up in a hoodie with a stain, stand six feet away from everyone else, and grimace like you just asked them to eat raw kale.

    Take the picture anyway. Later, when they’re older, those awkward tween photos will be pure gold. Trust me—grimaces age better than forced smiles.

    Tip 10: Embrace the Chaos

    At the end of the day, Thanksgiving break with tweens is messy, loud, and sprinkled with attitude. But it’s also fleeting. In a few short years, they’ll be off to college or too cool to come home for the whole week.

    So let the eye rolls happen. Let the pantry raids happen. Let the screen time flow like gravy. Because one day, you’ll miss the chaos.

    And until then? Survival mode on, pie fork ready.

    Final Word

    Thanksgiving with tweens is not about perfection—it’s about endurance. It’s about laughing when things go sideways, stocking the pantry like a doomsday prepper, and remembering that one day you’ll look back and laugh (instead of cry).

    So pour yourself a glass of wine, hand your tween the whipped cream, and survive this Thanksgiving break with humor intact. After all, gratitude looks a lot like making it to Monday with your sanity mostly intact.

  • 10 Reasons My Tweens Are Thankful for Wi-Fi

    10 Reasons My Tweens Are Thankful for Wi-Fi

    Thanksgiving is the season of gratitude. A time when families gather around the table to reflect on life’s blessings: health, home, loved ones, and pie. Lots of pie.

    But if you ask my three tweens what they’re thankful for, you won’t hear “my sweet, selfless mother who birthed me and makes sure I have clean socks.” Nope. You’ll hear one thing, in unison, without hesitation:

    Wi-Fi.

    That’s it. End of list.

    I could disappear for a week, and the only time anyone would notice is if the Wi-Fi went down. In fact, the kids would probably carve me like the turkey if I ever dared to change the password.

    So, in honor of their true Thanksgiving blessing, I present to you…

    1. They Can Game With Friends Without Actually Having Friends Over

    Jase, my sweet, quiet, random fact filled boy, will spend six hours straight in Fortnite with his buddies. I’ll peek in and ask, “Want to invite them over sometime?” and he’ll look at me like I just suggested burning his baseball cards. Why risk eye contact when you can yell into a headset from the safety of your bedroom?

    Wi-Fi: the ultimate friendship glue.
    Me: still the lady who tells him to take out the trash.

    2. Streaming = Survival

    Sadie, my dramatic, book-loving, future Oscar winner, has declared that she cannot—literally cannot—eat breakfast without Netflix. If the Wi-Fi hiccups, she collapses across the kitchen island like a Jane Austen heroine with the vapors.

    “Oh my GOD, how do you expect me to LIVE like this?” she wails, as if I personally unplugged the router for sport.

    Wi-Fi: sustains life.
    Me: only sustains the grocery bill.

    3. Instant Answers, No Parents Required

    Henley, my wild animal-loving firecracker, used to ask me questions. “Why is the sky blue?” “How do birds fly?” “Do turtles yawn?”

    Now she just screams “Hey Google” and ignores my perfectly good mom science answers. I could have a PhD in astrophysics, and she’d still fact-check me.

    Wi-Fi: the great oracle.
    Me: the backup generator they don’t bother to plug in.

    4. Meme Economy

    If Wi-Fi disappeared tomorrow, Sadie would shrivel up like a raisin without her constant supply of TikToks and memes. She doesn’t even laugh out loud—she just exhales sharply out her nose and shoves her phone in my face saying, “Look.”

    It’s always some video of a raccoon stealing cat food or a teen lip-syncing to a dramatic soundbite. Apparently this is the pinnacle of humor. Meanwhile, I make a sarcastic joke at dinner and get told, “That’s cringe, Mom.”

    Wi-Fi: comedy central.
    Me: open mic night no one asked for.

    5. Homework “Help”

    I once naively believed my children would be thankful for me sitting beside them, helping with math homework. But no. Jase insists Khan Academy explains things “better than you do, Mom.” Ouch.

    And Henley? She’ll flat out tell me, “Don’t worry, I already Googled it.”

    Wi-Fi: the tutor who never loses patience.
    Me: the unpaid assistant who cries into her wine.

    6. Online Shopping, Tween Edition

    Sadie has mastered the art of filling my Amazon cart with things she “needs”—like gel pens, moisturizer, and Squishmallows. She doesn’t hit purchase (yet), but she knows the Wi-Fi connects her dreams directly to my credit card.

    Wi-Fi: Santa Claus with two-day shipping.
    Me: the actual wallet.

    7. Escaping Me in Style

    When I suggest wholesome family bonding—like board games or raking leaves—suddenly everyone has a “very important call.” I’ll walk by Henley’s room and she’s wearing headphones, nodding like she’s negotiating world peace. Spoiler: she’s on listening to The Life of a Showgirl.

    Wi-Fi: getaway car.
    Me: traffic cone in their escape route.

    8. Weathering the Apocalypse (a.k.a. Rainy Days)

    Remember when kids used to read books or build forts during storms? Ha. Jase, Henley, and Sadie see a rainy day as Netflix-and-Snacks Olympics.

    The last time the Wi-Fi went out, you’d think civilization collapsed. Jase literally groaned, “This is the worst day of my life.” Meanwhile, I’m sitting there like, “Do you know what dial-up was, son?!”

    Wi-Fi: life raft.
    Me: history lesson no one signed up for.

    9. Social Currency

    Sadie measures her worth in likes. Henley’s status is determined by Snapchat streaks. Jase lives for winning streaks on NBA 2K. None of these things would exist without Wi-Fi.

    So when I ask, “Aren’t you thankful for me?” I get blank stares, followed by, “Uh, yeah, but can you restart the router?”

    Wi-Fi: MVP of their lives.
    Me: backup singer, still harmonizing.

    Zero Reasons They’re Thankful for Me

    Okay, maybe that’s dramatic. (Sadie would approve.) But sometimes it feels like I’m competing against invisible magic beams that deliver endless entertainment, knowledge, and chicken nugget delivery apps.

    When I ask the kids what they’re thankful for, I dream of hearing things like:

    • “Jase: Thanks, Mom, for driving me to every single practice.”
    • “Henley: Thanks for letting me bring home stray animals that definitely weren’t house-trained.”
    • “Sadie: Thanks for listening to my dramatic monologues about why middle school is basically a Shakespearean tragedy.”

    But no. I get:

    • “Thanks for the Wi-Fi password, Mom.”

    The Blessing and the Curse

    The truth is, I’m thankful for Wi-Fi too. It keeps them connected, entertained, learning, and (most importantly) out of my hair long enough for me to drink a cup of coffee in peace.

    But still, just once, I’d like Jase to put down the controller, Henley to look up from her iPad, and Sadie to pause Netflix long enough to say, “Thanks, Mom. You’re the real MVP.”

    Until then, I’ll take what I can get. Which, apparently, is keeping the Wi-Fi bill paid.

    So this Thanksgiving, while the kids raise their glasses of Sprite and toast to high-speed internet, I’ll raise my own glass (of wine, obviously) and toast to surviving parenthood in the age of Wi-Fi.

    Cheers.

  • Why Gratitude Feels Different in the Tween Years

    Why Gratitude Feels Different in the Tween Years

    Gratitude looks a little different when you’re raising tweens. Once upon a time, Thanksgiving was all construction paper turkeys with handprint feathers, little lists scrawled in crayon: “I’m thankful for Mommy, Daddy, my dog, candy, and Legos.” Easy. Sweet. Straightforward.

    Now, with twelve-year-olds under my roof, “gratitude” is no longer a tidy worksheet activity or a moment of bedtime prayer before they drift off to sleep. Gratitude has grown moodier, more complicated, and—if I’m being honest—sometimes harder to spot. But just because it looks different doesn’t mean it isn’t there. In fact, I’m learning that gratitude in the tween years is a deeper, more honest kind of thankfulness than anything we’ve known before.

    The Vanishing “Thank You”

    The first clue that gratitude changes in the tween years? The disappearing thank you.

    I remember when the kids used to squeal with delight at a Happy Meal toy or glow when someone complimented their artwork. Gratitude was loud and visible. Now? I hand my Jase his favorite sports drink after practice and get a quiet nod. I spend hours driving the girls to activities and hear a muffled “thanks” over TikTok audio. Sometimes there’s no “thanks” at all—just silence.

    It can feel like gratitude evaporated somewhere between age nine and twelve. But I’ve come to realize it hasn’t disappeared—it’s just been translated. Tweens aren’t always comfortable showing their feelings, and they’re wrestling with independence, self-consciousness, and big emotions. Gratitude hides itself in smaller gestures, subtle acknowledgments, and unspoken trust.

    Gratitude in Code

    Tweens have a way of speaking in code, and gratitude slips into those secret languages too.

    For Jase, gratitude shows up when he lies in bed next to me after a long day. He doesn’t say he’s thankful, but his presence means, You’re my safe place.

    For Henley, gratitude is singing Taylor Swift in the car with me—rolling her eyes at first, then belting every word. That shared joy? That’s her way of saying, Thanks for knowing what I love and entering my world.

    For Sadie, gratitude peeks out when she shares the tiniest detail from her day, like who sat by her at lunch. The fact that she lets me in, even a little, is a gift.

    Tweens don’t write “I’m thankful for my family” in marker anymore. They show it in how they still orbit us, even while testing their wings.

    Gratitude and Growing Pains

    The tween years are a collision of childhood innocence and teenage independence. Gratitude gets tangled in that storm.

    Sometimes they feel entitled. Sometimes they compare themselves to friends and only see what they lack. Sometimes gratitude is drowned out by hormones, slammed doors, and endless debates about screen time.

    But here’s the surprising thing: the harder gratitude is to see, the more powerful it becomes when it surfaces. When Henley whispered “Thanks for making dinner” one night, I nearly cried—not because she’d never appreciated it before, but because saying it out loud cost her something. It meant she noticed. It meant she pushed through her self-focus and recognized someone else. In the tween years, gratitude isn’t cheap. It’s earned.

    Gratitude as Empathy

    One of the most beautiful shifts in the tween years is how gratitude begins to grow outward, toward empathy.

    It’s clumsy and not always consistent, but it’s happening. They’re beginning to see the web of people around them, and gratitude is expanding beyond their own small circle of needs. It’s not always polite words—it’s awareness, acknowledgment, and sometimes even action. Gratitude is turning them into people who can look outside themselves, and isn’t that the whole point?

    The Parent’s Perspective

    If I’m honest, gratitude in the tween years stretches us as parents, too.

    It forces us to lower our expectations of constant sweetness. We can’t rely on handwritten lists or big hugs as proof our kids are grateful. Instead, we have to pay attention, looking for the quieter cues. We have to remind ourselves that gratitude is often delayed—our kids may not say thank you today, but years from now they’ll remember.

    And gratitude challenges us to model what we want to see. When I thank Matt in front of the kids for making dinner, when I tell them how grateful I am for their help, when I share out loud what I’m thankful for in my own messy, midlife days—they see it. They learn it. Gratitude becomes part of the air they breathe.

    Nurturing Gratitude in the Tween Years

    So how do we help gratitude grow in these years when moods and hormones run the show? A few small things have worked in our house:

    • Notice the little signs. A smile, a shared joke, a request to hang out together—these are gratitude in disguise.
    • Model gratitude daily. Say thanks to your kids, your spouse, your friends. Let them see that gratitude is normal, not forced.
    • Create rituals. A family dinner gratitude check-in, a quick text of thanks, a bedtime reflection. Rituals make gratitude a habit.
    • Give them space. Tweens may not want to gush, but they often circle back later. Let gratitude unfold on their timeline.
    • Encourage empathy. Point out when others serve them, and invite them to express thanks. Gratitude grows with awareness.

    It’s not perfect, but neither are tweens—or parents. Gratitude is less about polished manners and more about noticing what matters.

    Closing Thoughts

    Gratitude in the tween years is not simple. It’s not always obvious. It’s messy, subtle, and often late to the party. But it’s also real.

    As I watch my kids grow, I see gratitude shaping them into thoughtful, empathetic people—even if it doesn’t sound like “thank you” every time. Gratitude is in their laughter, their trust, their presence, their whispered thanks at the end of a long day.

    And maybe that’s the gift of these years: learning to find gratitude not just in what’s said, but in what’s lived.

  • 5 Things to Stop Doing If You Want a Peaceful Homework Hour

    5 Things to Stop Doing If You Want a Peaceful Homework Hour

    Ah, homework hour. That magical stretch of time between the end of school and the start of dinner where we all transform into underqualified tutors, short-order snack chefs, and motivational speakers on the brink. If you’ve ever found yourself whisper-screaming, “Just write one sentence!” while stirring spaghetti and Googling “what is new math,” you’re not alone.

    The good news? Peaceful homework time is possible. The better news? You don’t need a degree in childhood development or a Pinterest-worthy command center to get there. You just need to stop doing a few things that are quietly sabotaging your sanity.

    So here they are—five habits to quit immediately if you want your homework hour to be a little less dramatic and a lot more doable.

    1. Stop Micromanaging Every Pencil Stroke

    Let’s be honest: hovering over your child as they write their vocab words is not helping anyone. Not them. Not you. Not the family dog, who is now hiding under the table.

    Of course, you want to help. Of course, you want it done right. But constantly correcting, commenting, or nudging them every 90 seconds turns homework into a high-stakes performance. The pressure builds. The tears start. And suddenly you’re in a standoff over a algebra worksheet.

    Try this instead: Set the stage, then step back. Give clear instructions: “Let’s set a timer for 20 minutes—do what you can, and I’ll check in when it goes off.” This builds independence, reduces conflict, and gives you enough time to reheat that coffee you microwaved four hours ago.

    2. Stop Starting Without a Snack (or a Plan)

    You know how you can’t function when you’re hangry? Turns out, neither can 9-year-olds. Or 13-year-olds. Or honestly, anyone doing long division after 3 p.m.

    Jumping straight from the school bus to spelling drills is a recipe for meltdown soup. And so is the “just get started while I figure out dinner” approach. No fuel = no focus.

    Try this instead: Build in a buffer. Give them 10–15 minutes to transition. Offer a brain-boosting snack (think cheese sticks, fruit, nuts—not four sleeves of Oreos unless you want to do their homework later). Review the homework list together, make a quick game plan, and set realistic expectations for what needs to get done tonight.

    3. Stop Expecting Them to “Just Know” What to Do

    Spoiler: Kids are not born knowing how to manage time, organize tasks, or prioritize what to do first. If your child is staring blankly at their worksheet or panicking over a forgotten assignment, it’s not because they’re lazy—it’s because executive function is still under construction.

    Even older kids need support breaking down tasks, especially after a long school day.

    Try this instead: Create a super simple homework checklist or use sticky notes to organize steps. “Read chapter. Write three sentences. Check for spelling.” Boom. This turns a vague blob of “homework” into manageable bites. Think of yourself as a project manager, not a taskmaster.

    Bonus tip: Keep a “homework survival kit” nearby with pencils, erasers, markers, calculators, scissors—whatever your child typically needs. Fewer supply scavenger hunts = fewer distractions = more peace.

    4. Stop Fighting About the “Right” Way to Do It

    We all have flashbacks to how we learned to do math (hello, carrying the one), but today’s methods might feel like a fever dream of boxes and number lines and… wait, why are they drawing a bar model to subtract?

    Here’s the deal: the curriculum has changed, but the need for your calm presence hasn’t. Getting frustrated or mocking the method (even lovingly) can make kids feel embarrassed or confused, which blocks learning.

    Try this instead: Say the magic words: “Show me how your teacher explained it.” This opens the door for them to teach you—which reinforces their own learning—and shows you’re on their team, not just grading their effort. And when all else fails? Email the teacher or check the class website. There’s no shame in reinforcements.

    5. Stop Turning Homework Into a Family Crisis

    Homework hour should not be the emotional low point of your day—or theirs. But when it’s filled with raised voices, slammed doors, and threats of grounding until college, something has to give.

    Remember: your relationship with your child is more important than the worksheet.

    Try this instead: Take a deep breath and zoom out. If homework is consistently a struggle, it might be time to have a conversation with the teacher. Maybe it’s too much. Maybe your child needs additional support. Maybe the dog did eat the spelling list, and nobody told you.

    Set boundaries that make sense: a hard stop after an hour, a no-yelling policy, a family mantra like “progress over perfection.” Give yourself and your kid grace. Learning how to learn is just as important as what they’re learning.

    Final Thoughts: Peaceful Doesn’t Mean Perfect

    A peaceful homework hour isn’t about everyone sitting serenely at the kitchen table with classical music and scented candles (though if that’s your reality, I bow to your power). It’s about creating an environment that reduces stress, builds confidence, and lets your child feel safe to struggle and succeed.

    That might mean dimming the lights, putting on lo-fi beats, or even doing homework on the floor. It might mean sitting close but not hovering, offering help but not lectures, and remembering that a missed assignment isn’t a moral failing.

    You’ve got this. Your kid’s got this. And if you forget everything else, remember this golden rule:

    Homework isn’t the enemy. The enemy is the chaos we let creep in around it.

    So light that candle. Pour yourself a Diet Dr. Pepper. Take a breath. And stop doing the things that make homework harder than it needs to be.

    Peace is possible. Even on a Monday after a long weekend.